More Updates

On Monday I spent the day teaching fifth grade. I enjoyed it and I think I did a good job. Now, I have to wait for the administration to decide if they are going to let the other teacher go or not. Even though she is in her fifties, she is new to teaching and it just has not been going well. They have been trying to give her a lot of support and help, but they are getting to the end of the rope.
I went to a New Parent Reception two nights ago and the principal introduced me to the Head of School. They told me that they would have a decision for me by Friday. Even if the decide to stick with the current teacher, there is a Spanish teacher who is about to have a baby, and they told me I would probably get that job. My only apprehension with that is that the position may not be permanent if she decides to just take a leave. The principal said she thinks it is unlikely because that woman has had three babies in the past three years. We'll see.
My husband is doing the same. He goes to the kidney doctor this afternoon.
Thanks again for everyone's thoughts and prayers!

Updates

Things are okay. My husband is out of the hospital. We are currently waiting for a nurse to come to the house to give him a shot and show me how to do it for the next few days. It goes right into his belly. It won't be easy for me.

Tomorrow I go and teach at the school I might get the job at. I'm excited about it. It will be something totally different for me since I have never taught elementary school. I would be teaching fifth grade.

My parents are going to come to town to help us out. They will be here this Wednesday. I can't wait to see them. It will be so nice to have some help!

Bad News, Good News

Bad News: Erhan is back in the hospital. He went for a follow-up visit and they found blood clots in his arm. He is getting Halrpin through an IV right now.
Good News: I might get a job at Erin's school...which would have the following benefits:
1) Drive to and from school with Erin, have the same schedule as Erin.
2) Great school, positive atmosphere.
3) Free tuition for both Erin and Rachel (value: 29K per year)
4) Health insurance
5) Better pay than I made at the other school.

I went in to the school yesterday to meet with one of Erin's teachers. She is struggling with Honors English, which is mostly grammar, but is thriving in Honors Literature. I wanted to see if it is possible for her to get into regular English and stay in the same Lit class. I also wanted to go over Erin's testing that shows her learning style strengths and weaknesses.
Anyway, I really enjoyed meeting with the English teacher. I mentioned to her that I am a teacher and that I would love to teach there. (I applied in the summer but never heard from them). She told me I should keep checking in and that they may be needing some teachers already. SO, I went into the main office, and before I knew it, I was in an interview with the principal!
I was scheduled to come in and teach tomorrow so I could see how the students are and they can see how I teach. However, now that Erhan is in the hospital, we have postponed it until Monday.

I'm very excited about this possibility, even though I know it would be very different for me (I would be teaching fifth grade and I've never taught kids that young, nor have I ever been a teacher who teaches all subjects). I really do hope it works out and any good thoughts or prayers for me, and my sick husband as well, would be greatly appreciated!

Weight Loss Update

I began my new eating attitude (like Richard Simmons, I never say "diet") about two months ago. I planned to start out with the Lemon Cleanse diet, but that didn't even last one day.

Anyway, I am very happy to report that so far, I have lost twelve pounds. I have about twelve more to go.
I'm very pleased.

My secret?
Once, a long, long time ago, a doctor told me that I would be surprised to find out how little humans actually need to eat in order to be healthy. He said that we tend to eat much more than we need.

So, I keep that in mind and just somehow got myself into the right frame of mind.

I basically eat two Luna bars per day with a glass of orange juice, and one small meal (of soup or something low fat). I eat all the fruit I want. I also munch on pretzels dipped in humus (a new obsession of mine). I try to drink water more often than soda or juice.

I have also been following a very healthy regimen for my IBS. This means I don't eat any dairy, except for occasional yogurt. This is also good for my Rosacea problem, which is not too advanced.

Anyway, I have dropped one clothing size so far. I feel much more comfortable in my clothes and I have a few things I just can't wear because they are too big now. That is a great feeling.

I know the next twelve pounds will take longer to come off, but I'm not in any hurry. I have really changed my outlook. Plus, now that I feel better about myself, I am more motivated to keep it up.

One thing I have never been able to do is count calories. I refuse to go that route. I also don't weigh myself every day. I get on the scale about once every four days, or sometimes maybe more like once per week.

If I decide to let myself have a treat, I don't worry about. I don't deprive myself, except for things like cheese and other dairy. I don't give in on that because I just think about how bad it will make my stomach feel.

As for exercise, I do try to be more active. I take the dogs for long walks and have been spending more time outdoors.

The Drama Teacher's Response:

Dear Ms. Gurus,


Thank you for your email concerning Erin.


I am not sure why Erin's progress report showed that she had an F- for Drama. She has an A+. I can only assume that it was due to the confusion of which section (MWF or TR) she was attending and/or supposed to be in (see next paragraph). As for the minus after an F, that is a school grade, not one I chose.


Regarding attendance, I am extremely accurate about taking attendance each and every day in our computerized attendance program. I had NOTHING to do with Erin being told she "must switch to MWF classes." I only followed my class roster(s) in the computer (of which she jumped around and at last view, was on both) and either marked her present or absent each day. According to our computerized system, she was absent from MWF 6 times. The day she was to be in class was confusing to me, as she kept jumping around, and last week we all received clarification. I do recall you emailing me about Erin's illness at the beginning of the year to which I promptly replied to your email.


I don't know why Erin told you that she didn't receive a syllabus. She already turned in a signed one. In addition, I made it extremely clear each day in both sections that it was due, what the consequences were for not turning it in, what the next best grade was that could be earned, etc.


I too am new to American Heritage this year and just like Erin, need a learning curve with policies and procedures. As you know, in the age of the computer, glitches happen too.


Rest assured that Erin has a fine grade in Drama and I look forward to continuing to work with her on Tuesdays and Thursdays this year.

Sunday Night

The girls are home from their weekend at their father's. I'm so happy to have them back home. It was lonely without them around.

I actually used the ride-on mower for the first time today. It was a blast. I didn't finish the whole yard (one acre) because the machine stopped working about three quarters through (overheated?).
I should have tried it sooner. Now I don't have to get frustrated about my husband not taking care of it. I can do it myself. I already do the edging, trimming, weeding, and everything else out there.

Erhan, by the way, had a Picc Line in the hospital. It is a port to take blood from or inject the IV into. They removed it before he was discharged, and yesterday, he started draining water from the hole. It is bizarre and gross. It does not appear to be infected, the liquid is clear and odorless. It may just be some of the water he is retaining.

I did call his nurse from the hospital, but she didn't know anything. What a surprise. haha Anyway, we have been keeping it clean and tomorrow we will call the doctor. It hasn't stopped, and it leaks quite a bit.

I'm on day 16 at 30:30. Tomorrow Valerie and I are going to start working on a collaboration for the ITWS contest. That should be fun. It will be my first!

Tomorrow I am going to be going to meet w/ Erin's English teacher. I also have to bring her to the ortho to pick up her new retainers. I think that Alp found her originals and broke them up into tiny bits of plastic. I knew that was just a matter of time. Fortunately, they don't charge for new ones in Phase I.

If I decide to take the job at LEAD America, which is looking promising, I won't start training until one week from tomorrow. That gives me a week before I have to start. I can get the yard and hopefully the house looking pretty spiffy before then.

Dramatic Resolutions

Yes, when I am sad, I look at big ways to make big changes. I know it isn't right. It's just me. And that's what yesterday's post was all about, most likely.
However, those are things that are going through my crazy head. I AM totally fed up with Florida life. I have had enough of it and I do want to move one.
But I will not do anything hasty.

I'm always in a state of change. My life is never stable. I strive for this, but it never happens. It is part of my ADD. It is also because I take on too much and am too much of a codependent type person.

I need to try to keep things stable for my children, which is what I always do keep in mind.

I am going to talk about these issues with my ADD therapist, but I wish I had someone else to talk to as well.

I Want to Leave Florida

I want to leave Florida, but I don't think I can.
I'm not sure where I want to go, but I think it's home. Chicago.

Probably the biggest thing holding me back is my ex-husband, because the girls would be so far away from him. He and his wife are expecting a baby in January, and it would be horrible to take them so far away. They spend every other weekend with him, and I know that is important.

My parents and my sister are in Chicago. So are the horrible winters. I never thought I could stand the thought of going back to that. I get that seasonal depression stuff there. But I'm so unhappy here. I've had enough.

My husband would not want to go, and I think I might be okay with that. Really.

The schools are so much better there. I have more than one friend there. There is culture. There are real communities. Real food.

I moved here six years ago to get away from everything and everybody I knew and start a new life. I almost can say at this point that it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I hate to look back and regret things because it does no good. But it also is good to admit I goofed up.

I know I really can't go. A lot of people are stuck places they would rather not be. Maybe when the girls are off in college, I can go somewhere else. They are almost twelve, so that is really only six more years. I guess when I look at it that way, it doesn't seem so bad. I've already made it through six.

I have also considered moving to Arkansas. My best friend lives there. I just don't know how I would do so far from civilization!!!!

Live through this. That's what I have to do.

Dear Mr. M.,

My daughter received her progress report today, which included an F- for Drama.
(by the way, I've been a teacher for almost 20 years, and this is the first time I've ever seen a minus after an F!)

It was also reported that she was not absent at all for your class, but Erin actually missed the entire first week of school due to illness. (You may recall I wrote to you about make-up work during that time.) I only mention this to remind you that she did miss some instruction, which put her behind in every class.

After she finally got started in your T, Th class, one week later she was told she must switch to MWF classes. You may not know that this is Erin's first year at American Heritage. She didn't know anyone when she started out. Since Drama and Art class allow for more interaction than most other subjects, she had made a few friends already and was disappointed to have to change. She also wanted to have art three times per week because she would like to be an artist. Thankfully, Ms. LeFevre was able to switch her back.

Erin told me the reason she received an F- in Drama is because she did not return a signed syllabus. Many of the other teachers wrote comments under their grades, but there was nothing noted under her F-, so I assume what she told me is true.

She also told me that she never received a syllabus. I think that it is very possible that she is telling the truth, because as you can see from her other grades, she was able to return signed forms for all her other teachers, and also turns in all her assignments on time. She is a good, hard-working and honest student.

The whole concept of switching classes is new to her, and everything and everyone at American Heritage is new to her. It is a bit overwhelming. If indeed, her F- was based entirely on whether or not she turned in that one paper, I hope you can reconsider and give her a chance to hand it in. I think that, given the fact that she switched in an out of your classes two times already, she should be given some special consideration on this.

I am disappointed that Erin's first progress report at her new middle school had to be so negative. I am very proud of how well she is doing. I see her working an average of three hours per night on homework, and she has stayed after school to get extra help in many subjects. For the most part, she is very happy with American Heritage. This, however, has made her feel bad.

I look forward to hearing back from you about this. If you feel it is necessary to talk about this in person, please let me know.
If her grade was based on more than the missing signature, than I definitely want to know the reason.

Sincerely,

Lauren Gurus

PS Erin can be quite shy at first, but when it comes to performing, you will be surprised. She participated in a summer theater camp that put on a spectacular performance of Annie. She has also attended several extra curricular drama classes. I think the most important thing is that she feels comfortable and has fun continuing to learn how to express herself in this way. I'm personally afraid that starting out with an F- will have a detrimental affect.

Good News

It is finally Friday...
And Erhan is home! And he's going to be okay!!!!!
The diuretic he was on seemed to be to blame for most of his problems. Or, should I say, the doctors who keep prescribing them. I don't feel like getting into the incompetence of the medical profession right now, but I will probably get into it in a future post.

And, I was offered the job I went on the interview for, yesterday. I'm seriously considering talking it, but I have to think it over. I would be a marketing representative for a student leadership program. Most of my job would be getting teachers to nominate their students for the program. I would have a territory here in Palm Beach County. The company is called LEAD America. I would be proud to represent them.

Well, if I do start, I will be starting training one week from now.

Huh?

Is it Friday yet?
WHAT? Only Tuesday!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Erhan had his biopsy today. They said it takes three days to get results and that he will be in the hospital at least the rest of the week.
I'm still in a daze.
I used almost a half tank of gas today carting kids around, all over the county.

Tonight was Erin's school's Open House. I got to go around to each of her classes in the order she does. Unfortunately, I didn't have anyone to watch Alp, so I had to take him with me!
Oh my, that was an adventure! After the first session, he understood the routine and stayed outside the classroom door while I went in for the ten minute session, (I stayed right by the door so I could see him). Everyone could hear his major tick explosions...mostly loud throat clearing and burping. They were non-stop. I saw and overheard some rude comments, but most people figured it out. I almost wanted to make announcements at each new class..."This is what Tourette's Syndrome looks like."
"He is on medication, and he is actually being very good!"
But I refrained. It wouldn't have been a bad idea, but I didn't want to make a bigger spectacle of myself than I already was. I didn't want to embarrass Erin, either.

Hospital and Job Lead

My husband has been admitted to the hospital. His Creatanine was at such a dangerous level, I'm surprised he is still alive.
The hardest thing right now is shuffling the kids around to their different schools while trying to visit and care for him. No, I take that back (my new catch phrase, apparently!) the hardest part is not knowing what to expect in the future.
They are going to do the kidney biopsies in the morning. I hope I'm able to get to the hospital in time for that, but we don't know. I have to drop the kids off in all different parts of the county before I can get myself there.
Tomorrow night there is an Open House at Erin's school...the kind where I get to go around to each of her classes. I hope I can be there. I really want to go, but we'll have to see what happens and also if someone can watch Alp.

Good news. I got an interview for an interesting job as a marketing rep for a company that provides outreach school programs for high school kids. It sounds like something I might enjoy. The appt. is for Thursday.

Fair

The foot of the giant goddess

balances on North America, the ball

smothers Chicago. Toes of the other

skim the Atlantic. Mother

Nature's enemy.

1935, the World's Fair. A Century

of Progress means Industry, means

Technology. Arms reach up

and out, say Look. Voila.

Hooray!

A plane heads for her hip.

Beams of light project

from skyscrapers. Shades of gold

and gray and turqiouse

drown out brown, green.

-lrfg

212 lbs.
That is my husband's weight today.
He used to weigh 176. He is 6' tall.
Every day he gains at least a pound, but this since yesterday, he gained 6.
Tomorrow is the big day we find out if he has to go into the hospital or not. I'm already prepared for the answer to be yes. I take that back (I'm doing that a lot lately). I'll never be prepared for that. I'm trying to be ready, though.
I'm thinking about the kids and where they will be and picking them up from school, etc. if Erhan is in the hospital. Luckily, Alp will be at his mother's until Tuesday morning, so that is one less worry.
It's time like these that it is hard to live far away from all your relatives. Neither one of us has family anywhere near. Sometimes it is nice to be far away, but most times it stinks.

Hospital

My husband finally agreed to go to the hospital yesterday. They wanted to admit him, but agreed that it would okay for him to come home until Monday, when we can get test results from his kidney doctor to compare. If certain levels are indeed rising, he will have to go the hospital tomorrow.
They did discover an infection he didn't know he had so he is on antibiotics now, too.
And somehow, we both got a cold...again. It's always raining for me.
Anyway, I'm glad I'm not working right now so I can help out with this situation. Unfortunately, I haven't really thought about how I'm paying the girls' school tuition. Well, that is sort of a lie. I've thought about it, I just haven't come up with a solution.
I don't want to have to ask my parents for help, again.

I'm up to day 8 at the 30:30 challenge. It already feels like a struggle. I've been ejoying it, but whether or not I'll make it will probably depend on the hospital situation.

Because of not working...

I was able to go to the PTO meeting at Erin's new school yesterday, plus a support group meeting for parents of kids with ADD/OCD, etc. out in Palm Beach Gardens.
I found out at American Heritage (Erin's school) that they don't have a literary magazine. I met a mom of a new junior boy who wants to start one, and I gave her my email and told her I would love to help out if he can get it going. I'm shocked that they don't have one already.
I did some good networking at the support group and got some good recommendations on p-docs for the kids.
I really would like to consider substitute teaching at Erin's school. I could see if I like it there enough to consider working there in the future. This would let them see if they like me, too. The only problem is, of course, no health insurance. I can't believe I am one of those Americans living in fear for lack of health benefits.
Meanwhile, my husband's health continues to decline. If I had my way, I would have him in the hospital right now. He is very short of breath and wheezing. He gets bigger every day. I don't understand what he is waiting for. Stubborn. Scared.

Two poems about the same time in my life

High Risk Pregnancy

Goodbye cannot be divided
by the square root of ginger
with potato chips or was it coke?
This recommendation courtesy the nutritionist
during my pregnancy with quads.
Her office was tandem to her bedroom. Never,

never accuse me of intoxication, decapitation,
or lack of masturbation. I do not exaggerate.
I won't touch ginger anymore. It is the vertigo
of nausea and the color of wet puke. Aspiration
takes on its fourth definition
and the therapist recommends I plant two trees.
She doesn't know me.
I never stay in one place long enough for trees.
What were their sexes? If you follow,
I hang my head.

Waiting

My whippet’s white needle hairs stick up
from the Smithsonian Bible replica quilt.
I’m a large lump
under the story of Adam and Eve,
a faulty incubator whose cervix has been labeled:
incompetent.
I flip channels on trashy talk shows
and video clips of OJ’s white van
avoiding the inevitable. I
drink water and spill some.

Things were not as they seemed. She (the boss woman)did not trust me after I quit. I decided yesterday was my last day.
I feel bad for the students that enjoyed my classes. I will miss them.
Here I am again. Unemployed.

I'm having some trouble figuring out who I'm supposed to be.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to not get overly nervous about my very sick husband, and not too annoyed at one of my daughters who can't understand all I'm going through and continues to whine about getting an iPod nano. We're gong broke, aren't we? I am pretty surprised at what a spoiled girl she seems to be. Is it my fault?

I Quit!

What a relief! I told my boss that I need to find a new job because my husband and I desperately need health insurance. Unfortunately, this is very true. My husband has been very ill. He needs a lot of medical attention and he is unable to work. We have gotten ourselves into a real pickle.
Anyway, the boss was very nice (seemed equally as eager to rid herself of me!) and even offered to give me a good reference. I thought that was especially nice.
I am going to continue working until either she finds a replacement or I find a new job.
So, back to the old employment search.
I have said it many times, I'm much better at getting jobs than I am at keeping them!
I'm sure it is just a matter of finding the right thing. The search continues!

As a passion driven being, what happens when my heart is no longer in it?

Emotional about Irwin, Agassi

I'm emotional. The world lost two legends this weekend.

Andre Agassi ended his spectacular tennis career yesterday. I was watching when he got his four minute standing ovation after dropping his fourth set at the US Open. He made a beautiful "thank you, fans" speech. I could barely stand to watch, but I also could not look away.
Andre, you brought the game to new levels and you are a class act. I wish you a happy and fulfilling retirement with your beautiful wife and children.

Now today, I find out that Steve Irwin, the infamous Crocodile Hunter, is dead at 44. It happened suddenly in a freakish accident with a stingray, whose barb pierced his heart.
I never cared much for him, or so I thought. He was needlessly reckless. His goofy facial expressions and exaggerated Aussie accent grated on my nerves. When he fed an alligator in 2004 with one hand and held his new baby son in the other, I thought I completely lost respect for him. I am ashamed to admit, I even mocked him at school just the other day, while comparing him to my favorite wildlife geek, Jeff Corwin.
But now that he is gone, I realize I liked him a lot more than I let on. Despite the things I didn't agree with, I definitely appreciated his love of wildlife and passion for conservation. He saw beauty in all of God's creatures and would go out of his way to save any animal, no matter how intimidating their teeth. He taught several generations to respect nature. He risked his life to bring an important message to mankind.
Darn it, I will miss you, Steve. You made this world a better place.
To his wife and children, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Back at ITWS, 30:30

After going to check out Freada's lastest psalms up at 30:30, I could not resist the urge to try yet again for my seventh round. I posted one poem last night and another one today. I've started a mini nightmare series.
Today's post:

Recurring Nightmare: Insects

limbless my
trunk resigns
on the forest
floor ants forge
their jointed
legs tibial spurs
claw and tip
of gastor prick
the pores of me
belly and breast
under mandible
and antenna



There is a fabulous cast of characters participating at the moment...just about everyone except for michi, whom I suspect will be back soon. Sometimes all those great writers can be intimidating, but I'm willing to give it a try. I think it is important for me to write right now.

I lost my cell phone yesterday.
I cried a few times throughout the day, too, but not because of the phone.
I'm not sure if my job is right for me. I want it to be. I enjoy the students. The school is very special and I'm proud to be a part of it. I like working again, even though it is quite a challenge.
The problem is, I seem to keep upsetting my boss, despite my attempts to please. I know this is not the place to get into the details.
I feel lost.