I Want to Leave Florida

I want to leave Florida, but I don't think I can.
I'm not sure where I want to go, but I think it's home. Chicago.

Probably the biggest thing holding me back is my ex-husband, because the girls would be so far away from him. He and his wife are expecting a baby in January, and it would be horrible to take them so far away. They spend every other weekend with him, and I know that is important.

My parents and my sister are in Chicago. So are the horrible winters. I never thought I could stand the thought of going back to that. I get that seasonal depression stuff there. But I'm so unhappy here. I've had enough.

My husband would not want to go, and I think I might be okay with that. Really.

The schools are so much better there. I have more than one friend there. There is culture. There are real communities. Real food.

I moved here six years ago to get away from everything and everybody I knew and start a new life. I almost can say at this point that it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I hate to look back and regret things because it does no good. But it also is good to admit I goofed up.

I know I really can't go. A lot of people are stuck places they would rather not be. Maybe when the girls are off in college, I can go somewhere else. They are almost twelve, so that is really only six more years. I guess when I look at it that way, it doesn't seem so bad. I've already made it through six.

I have also considered moving to Arkansas. My best friend lives there. I just don't know how I would do so far from civilization!!!!

Live through this. That's what I have to do.