Failure to Cleanse

If anyone stopped by my blog during the hours of noon to about two pm today, you may have seen a post about the Master Cleanse Lemon Diet I was intending to start.
It was deleted because I gave up after only a half day.
I just could NOT force myself to drink the horrible lemon/maple syrup/cayenne pepper combination. It wouldn't go down.
I am thinking about doing a modified version. I have been wanting to do something like this for over a year. There was a man in my ADD group who had done something similar, and said how much it improved his health and energy level, etc. After doing it, he continued to eat healthier. He couldn't say enough about it. The cleanse he did was available online through a company called GoodHerbs. I looked into it, but the price held me back. So, when my friend Freada showed me this lemon cleanse version, I thought it was ideal because the ingredients are cheap and fairly easy to find.
It would have been a disaster if I order something that cost me almost two hundred dollars and then I decided I couldn't stomach it for more than half a day!

I want to do this for my health. I also want to do the part that comes afterwards, when you start reintroducing foods back into your diet. That is when you can determine your specific food allergies. I suppose there is another way to go about this. I'll have to look into that.

Losing weight and getting in better shape is another one of my goals, but that is not the purpose of that cleanse anyway. In the past two weeks, I have lost four pounds, which is a good, safe amount. It helps that my husband has not been around because he makes pasta almost every day. Just eliminating that has probably helped me lose.

Hot Dogs

It is so stinking hot I decided to trim the dogs today. I hope they feel a little better! I was suprised at how good they were for me!
(Bella has that funny face because she is chewing a bone.)

I'm employed again!

First, here's another picture of my latest painting:

Now, on to the good news:
Yesterday I was offered the job I was really hoping to get. I will be teaching at Dillon Country Day School in Wellington. It is a very small school (currently only 13 students) and I will be teaching English and Spanish and maybe some other subjects as well. I will also be helping out with the marketing of the school. I will have a lot of creative flexibility and I really like the director.

After my extensive job search, I was happy to go back to the thing I always fall back on: teaching.

I'm actually looking forward to returning to work after two years. I can't really believe it has been that long. I hope I can handle the transition!

Angel and Devil Names

Fill in the blanks in the following sentences. Leave your answers in the comments section. I will use my famous and divine wine cooler skills to give you your "angel" name, and your "devil" name...

Most people are 1.____________, but I'm usually not.
If I had more 2.________________ I would 3. ______________at least once a day.
I sometimes wish 4._________________was never invented, yet I thank my lucky stars for the invention/discovery of 5._________________.
My favorite physician is Dr. 6._____________________.
The only team/athlete I would pay two hundred dollars to see in action is 7.___________________________.


I will get back to you with your names shortly!

Pam...Your angel name is Leona Goodmagic. Your devil name is Bitchy Boobtube.

Michi...Your angel name is Labiona Gugamor.. Your devil name is
Peterseh Lerscream.

Sharon...Your angel name is Lancelota Aqua. Your devil name is Mort Frivol.

Deb...Your angel name is Besos Milagro.

CE...Your angel name is Wadexa Roswell. Your devil name is Ringo Guise.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Anxious Mom's Chest...

My daughters wanted to see Pirates of the Caribbean:Dead Man's Chest. I am probably one of the very few people who never saw the first one. And I had no desire to see the second.
But, Tuesday is free popcorn day at the local cinema, so I thought I would at least enjoy that part of the outing. (Me encantan las palomitas.) And then, there's Johnny Depp. Not that I'm into smudgy black eyeliner (on either gender) or gold teeth. I figured, however, that if anybody could pull it off, it would be Johnny.
Well, the popcorn was okay, but Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow was not attractive by any stretch of my imagination. I saw somewhere that his inspiration for the character was Keith Richards. Yeah, he did a good job. He basically looked like a dirty, stumbling drunk.
The movie was looooong, non-stop, foggy, far-fetched action. I could NOT handle it. Seriously. I excused myself for the last half hour, and I had been struggling with what I'll call action/sensory overload for the previous two hours. I went and did a crossword puzzle in the lobby, waiting for the girls to come out. It reminded me of when I went to see Raiders of the Lost Ark a few decades ago. I left before that one ended too.

Unfortunately, I didn't leave in time to avoid a minor anxiety attack when we went into Borders afterwards to get Erin's summer reading books and browse. It wasn't only because of the movie...but that certainly helped. The other issue was the same-old, same-old school/tuition/I'm Going To Be Broke worries..

This is what I want:
1. To find some other freaks like me who can't sit through movies like that...not just because they're bad movies, but because all that action/violence/ugliness. I just want to know I'm not alone.
2. To be able to handle life, including work, without anxiety attacks and mood swings.

BTW...I've been worried about what to do if I take the teaching job (and I really want to, if it is offered to me) about blogging and poetry. If you google my name, the top site is always SaucyVox, where I had five poems, and the word SH#T is in the second line of the first one. I'm considering using only my maiden name for future publications. For my blog, I could make it private. Any suggestions on this stuff from anyone who has a similar situation? My students will be high schoolers (and some middle school).

Grrrrrrrr.....

I took the girls to the TriCounty Humane Shelter today. I used to be a volunteer there, taking pictures of the dogs for the newspaper, writing little bios, and walking them. I quit about a year ago when I was getting burned out and too sad about the ones that were there a long time, even though it is a no-kill shelter.
My daughters like to raise money to donate. They had their own little dog walking buisness called Whistle Walkers. They raised over one hundred dollars doing that last summer. They also sold lemonade about a week after Katrina hit, and donated it to their fund for pets that the shelter took in from New Orleans.
Today, we just brought in plastic bags for them, and a few dollars the girls have been saving up in a little piggy bank.
The shelter is on a beautiful site and is quite lovely. If you ever have seen Animal Cops: Miami, you may have seen it on TV. Abused or neglected animals from Miami are often brought there.
The girls can spend all afternoon with the dogs and cats, easily. Unfortunately, today I went to pet a lab mix, and the darn thing bit me. He snapped at my finger and made a pretty deep cut. I cleaned it well with their first aid kit, and headed home. I don't have insurance and I didn't want to make an issue for them (though I did report it so they know about that animal's problem). I think it will be okay. The animal is up to date on his shots, so I don't have to worry about that. I did have some left over antibiotics from Erhan's recent trip to the doctor (he had a bad reaction and didn't continue taking them after the first day) so I took some right away when I got home. I have mitral valve prolapse, so that is pretty important for me to do, although for that danger, taking them after could actually be too late.
I feel fine though. I'm sure if I keep it clean and dry for a couple of days I'll be okay.

The biter is pictured. His name is Augie. They said he would make a nice family pet. They didn't mention that they when they said family, they meant Manson Family.

UPDATE:
I decided to go to an urgent care facility to get a Tetanus shot. They gave me one shot that also had a Whooping Cough vaccine in it, which, I guess, they are recommending these days.

I look like a combination of:

(This could be called nostril gazing.)




I rhink Ruth Buzzi wins the Lauren Look-a-Like contest, hands down...or, up...

Interview Updates

Yesterday I had my interview for a position as a closet designer. No, not someone who designs stuff but doesn't want anyone to know about it. I would actually be designing the shelving and drawers, etc. that people want installed. The real challenge of it is the selling part, because the compensation is 100% commission.

The highlight of the interview was watching the woman interviewer methodically pick dirt from under her nails with one of those one-time-use dental floss picks, while simultaneously boasting about how professional this company is compared to its competition. She fiddled with it for most of the conversation, until she needed to put it down to reach up her shirt and reposition the girls in her bra. No, I do not jest. (Heck, I'm curious to go interview with the competition just to see how they can top that. I imagine a man excusing himself in the middle of my employment history chatter to take a dump in the nearby bathroom, continuing shouting his questions through the wall while I hear plops and splashes and then the flush!)

Anyway, I wouldn't actually mind doing something like that for awhile, but the teaching position seems like a much better opportunity. Don't get me wrong, I love public displays of hygiene and all, but I just feel using my teaching talents to help kids is a big part of what I was put on earth to do. And this school is very, very small (14 students!) and I really like the director. That means a lot.

I called her yesterday to ask her if I could pick up some forms she wants me to get done (fingerprinting is one of them) and she mentioned what a nice time she had talking to me yesterday. She is going to be out of town until Wednesday, but said she would like to meet with me again next Friday. That sounds good.

I would be teaching English and Spanish and anything else non-math related that might come up. I also told her I would like to help her with marketing. I tried to look up information about the school before the interview and could find virtually nothing other than the address. I told her I could help make a nice website for them. I would enjoy that sort of thing.

I already cancelled the interview I had set for next Tuesday. That was strictly a sales position, and the product isn't of any interest to me. I think the only reason I sent them my resume in the first place was that I was starting to feel panic when I hadn't heard from anyone else. The tuition bills were piling up.

I'm actually pretty excited about how things are turning out.

My interview suit

My daughter took this picture of me after I got back from my interview yesterday. Don't I look spiffy?









I'm doing my best model pose in this one. I noticed some interesting cobwebs on my ceiling, too.










And Now...
Because Enquiring Minds Want to Know:
(a few extra poses, exposing the previously hidden middle section)
(painting visible in couch shots is a recent one of mine)

Private School Dilemma (updated)

I'm supposed to be on my way to drop off a check for Erin's new school, along with the contract...but I just can't do it.
I realize that I am supposed to give them the matriculation fee check of $1000.00, plus the first installment of $1100.00 for tuition. And I just can't do it. I haven't had a call for a job interview in weeks. I'm trying not to let the anxiety overwhelm me. I think I'm going to cry.

It is too long of a story to explain why the public school system is failing her, but take my word for it that it is. Maybe I can find a cheaper school than this one. I have looked, but I can look more. I'm just beside myself.

I don't know why I feel the need to share my meltdown with my blog friends, but I think the idea of writing, and knowing there is a little audience, will help me get through this moment without a full blown panic attack. So, bear with me, please!

Rachel is definitely going to the private school for students with ADD. That one isn't costing us too much($400.00 per month) because she got the McKay Scholarship for kids who have an IEP, plus we got decent financial aid from them. I need to go pick up her health forms from the doctor and bring in a tuition payment. At least her dad has agreed to pay that tuition every other month.

My parents offered some help for Erin's school, which was nice, but I'm apprehensive to take them up on it. Even if I did, the price is still so steep.

I'm just a wreck. What am I going to do?

UPDATE!
Just as soon as I published this, I got two calls and two interviews! One of those calls is for a very small private school in a nearby town, and it is a possibility that Erin could actually go to that school. I have my interview on Thursday, and we will talk more about it then. The director is also from Chicago, which is a great connection. She said the school has a very creative approach, which of course, is right up my alley!

The other position is for a sales job. I don't have that interview until next Tuesday, so I'll have time to think about the other job and which direction I would like to go. I'm so happy I might actually have some choices.

I feel much, much better now! :)

Second Update

Funny thing, even though things worked out, I still wasn't able to avoid the anxiety symptoms. I took the girls out to the store, with the neighbors (or course) and suddenly, my legs ceased normal function and I became dizzy. I could move my limbs, but it was like I was commanding their motion from a distant remote control. I guess the brain could send the message and the muscles could respond, but I felt somewhat removed from that final action. I wondered how I was going to drive home.
My girls know about my condition, so I told them what was going on. Erin said the funniest thing at that point. She recommended we call "those people that pick you up and drive you home when you're drunk." She's such a riot! I asked her what we were going to tell the people, since I wasn't exactly intoxicated.
I ended up drinking a little Mountain Dew, and that helped me out quite a bit. I felt fine about driving. Just being back in the house, I was one hundred percent better.

Job Hunting, Tweens Night Out, Poem Number 7.7

Today I sent out two more resumes, one for a tiny private school looking for a Spanish/ English teacher, and another for an Education Specialist for the Museum of Science. Both sound great. I hope at least one of them calls me for an interview. Things have been incredibly slow in the old job hunt department lately.

It was great having the girls home. I took them and the neighbor girls out to Applebee's for dinner, which was nice. They were playing great 80's music in there, and it was heard not to move or sing along at all, which is a major no-no according to my daughter, Rachel, who would die of embarrassment.

I was planning to start a cleansing diet today, but I was too lazy to go buy the organic lemons, maple syrup and cayenne pepper, which is used to make the beverage I will be living on for the next couple of weeks. After I am done with that, I am going to slowly introduce foods into my diet to determine what else, besides dairy, my system would rather do without. I'm actually looking forward to this, as horrible as it may sound. I think I will feel much better and will lose weight, also.

I wrote my poem today about Rachel and Harley:


She's a Beauty


I watch through the slider, peer
past foggy snout and tongue marks on glass: my girl
on the chair with the sixty pound, wire-haired hound
on her little lap.

He's a licker. Her head turns away
from his hot, wet affection, but not
in time.

She went out to put her old T-shirt over his head
and gently pull each lanky
fore-leg into the sleeves; her routine
whenever there is a storm brewing.
Like magic, the quivering limbs
quiet.

She stays outside for company, endures
more slobber, mosquito bites, and one hundred percent
humidity. He is grateful. She feels blessed.

My Girls, New Schools, and Hair Removal

Today is a happy day because the girls are coming home from a week at their father's house. I've been missing them terribly! I can't imagine what it would be like if he took them for a whole month or worse yet, the whole summer. I know a lot of divorced parents do it that way.

BTW, Erin was accepted into the 6th grade honors reading program at American Heritage. (That is the school that is going to be taking all my money for the next few years. I get sick when I think about the expense, yet I know it is the right place for her and the right thing to do.) Anyway, for summer reading, she has to read two books (Holes is the only one I remember) and do a project for each. Fortunately, she said she has read both of the assigned books already, so reading them a second time shouldn't take her long. She'll need to start working on those this week.

We are also going to start redecorating Rachel's bedroom this week. When we moved in two years ago, she was really into camouflage, so I painted all the walls with that theme. Now, she wants her walls "firefly yellow", as she calls it. That sounds a little bright to me, but I can understand her wanting to get rid of the greens and browns. It is a bit dark!

The week before they left, the girls went through their rooms and gathered a lot of stuff to sell in a garage sale. I personally don't care for the idea, but it was good to motivate them for major cleaning. I told them they could keep whatever money they make. I have been gathering things for the sale as well, in my effort to de-clutter my house (an ongoing, life-long project!). I was thinking that if I can make a decent amount of money, I might take the girls to Disney World before they have to go back to school. I would just have to pay for a night in a hotel and the admission, which is the hefty part. Orlando is only about three hours away. I really would like to take them again, because the only other time they've been there was when they were seven, and they were a little apprehensive about everything at that age. Now, I want them to get to experience it before they are too old(not that you can really be too old for Disney.)

I had a pretty funny thing happen to me this morning. Well,it didn't really "happen to me",...I did it to myself. Yesterday I was going to the local pharmacy to buy Erhan some ear plugs for sleeping, when I saw a guy wearing an 80% Off sign on the side of the road. It seems our local Albertson's grocery store is going out of business, so I shifted gears and joined in the madness. Of course, everything was terribly picked over, but with my fine shopping skills ;) I was able to find several bags full of "stuff". One thing I bought was a little battery powered eyebrow trimmer. I had one before, but it wasn't working so well anymore. For $2.00, I figured I could afford a new, fancy one. This morning, I set out to give it a try. And now, as I sit here typing, I am minus eyelashes on my left eye and have a little bald patch where my widow's peak should be. Darn, that thing is powerful! It has two sides, you see, and one is very long. There is an attachment for trimming the eyebrows, and I didn't realize that while I was doing just that, the lower part was simultaneously shaving my lashes! ( I wonder how fast those things grow back?:() They aren't completely gone, just ground down to stubble. I'm such a dork. The bald patch? Well, I always struggle with these little whispy hairs up by my widow's peak. I also hate that my hairline is so low. So, I frequently pluck out those hairs. I wanted to try my new super-dee-duper hair remover, and well, it was just a little more turbo than I expected. I was horrified when I saw full length bangs fall to the sink. You're probably wondering how I can remain so calm. I guess I'm just not that vain. Hair grows back. I keep that forhead stubble covered up by my side part. And my eyelashes are so dark and long normally, that I'm still gorgeous with 3/4 of them cut off. (Nah, I'm not vain at all!)

A Friend!

When I started my first round of 30:30 about ten months ago, I made some great online poet friends.
Today, one of those friends became an offline friend, as well!

Freada moved from Georgia to my town in Florida several months ago (she happens to be a Florida native). We talked many times about getting together, and we finally got our act together to make it happen.

We met at her adorable apartment just off the intercoastal. It is a small place with big charm (not unlike Freada herself, who is quite tiny and also full of charm). It is typical old-style Florida... and the most amazing feature is the courtyard with its meandering paths, aligned with tropical foliage and ponds of colorful fish. Freada and her cat posse are the self-appointed groundskeepers. Most impressive were the bromeliads and orchids in full bloom.

Freada is taking a copywriting course for which she must write about a favorite local restaurant. Much to my delight, she took me to this wonderful place called Hurricane __________(I only remember there were two words and one of them was hurricane!). The conch fritters, potato soup and pasta salad were all delicious, but the quaint, hurricane-by-the-sea decorations, complete with a metal sculpted hammerhead hanging from the ceiling, were what made it a stand-out experience. Of course, talking to Freada was the real highlight.

We covered many topics, but most conversation revolved around family, mental illnesses, and poetry. (We planned to read some of our own poetry, but we didn't get around to that this time.)

The afternoon flew by rather quickly, and I got the feeling we could have talked for a few days straight if we didn't have any other obligations. It was a blast.

Freada and I are both interested in finding some local poetry readings to attend, as well as local Toastmasters groups. We are also planning to get together at my place, same time next week.

autumnal

You have become dark
and around the edges
crisp enough to fall as ash.

Are those holes
where you let them feed?

I could lift you up
but would regret
should you decompose
in my own hands.

-lrfg

bubble in glass

no longer able to rise
nor escape

frozen visible

mistake
displayed


I rejoined 30:30 at Inside the Writers' Studio yesterday. I'm starting my seventh month. The above was my little contribution for today.

Jon Pak Again

The infamous Jon Pak gives his approval or disapproval to five more of my suggestions...mine starts at streaking and ends with a chunk of skull. I just love coming up with ideas and seeing what pictures he puts with them. I'm not sure why. :) This time, I realized I made a typo after I already sent it in...but he kept the typo and well. I guess it works that way too, maybe better. See if you can find it!

Name That Jingle

Another fun quiz. Of course, if you are not from the US, you might not have been exposed to all these jingles. I got one wrong this time, not going with my gut.

Unresolved Issues from your Past Life

I've decided to join the quiz craze. As you will recall, Sarah has had a couple of insightful ones, and michi featured the infamous Poetry Title Generator on her blog (darn, I still haven't written that poem!).
Now, purely for entertainment purposes (that's my disclaimer!), I will read your answers to the following, then stare into my Calypso Colada wine cooler until I see the vision. If it isn't too disturbing, I'll share it with you in the comments section.


Ever wonder what unresolved past-life issue plagues your soul? Answer the following ten questions and wait for your answer!
1. On an average day, approximately what percent of your waking hours do you spend barefoot?
2. Do you spend more time avoiding:
a. pain
b. ridicule
c. ostracism?
3. Early, Right-on-time, or Late?
4. Describe any irrational fear you have now or had as a child.
5. At what age was your first real kiss?
6. Have you ever had any recurring dreams? If so, describe one of them in three words or less.
7. Name the first country that comes to mind that is of absolutely no interest to you. (as far as travel or general culture)
8. Approximately how many people have you brought a card or flowers to in a hospital?
a. 0
b. 1-5
c. 6-15
d. 16-30
e. 30+
9. What is the first physical sign that you've had a few too many drinks?
10. Name one of your favorite TV shows from your childhood.


michi...thanks for being the first brave soul!
Let's get down to business!
Your unresolved issue:
Your occupation or lifestyle (possibly a pirate)involved extensive marine travel, which made it difficult to develop intimate relationships. You fell in love a few times, but one partner stood out as "the one" you could never forget. As you approached middle age, you decided to do everything possible to find that person and start a family. Sadly, you died from from a venomous spider bite before you could begin your search.


Thank you for stepping up, my brave little Liz Anne!
You may be surprised to find out that last time around, you were a member of a powerful mob family. You were never quite comfortable with the lifesyle, so when you married, you and your spouse ran far, far away. You changed your name, started anew, and lived a long, honest life (unfortunately always looking over your shoulder) Never seeing your parents again and not even being able to attend their funerals also left you without closure. Did they understand your abandonment? Did they forgive you? These are your unresolved issues.

Pam,
I'm seeing a rugged child fending for herself in the tough streets of some South American country. Yes, Pam, you were an orphan, begging and taking what you could in order to live. It made you strong, but you carried with you into this life two things: a tough, no-nonsense spirit, coupled with a a deep sensitivity for the pain and suffering of others.


Sharon,
You, my dear, were a Nobel prize winning doctor who died with a big secret. Did you tamper with statistics...did you present someone else's information as your own? This went with you to your grave. You did so much good in your lifetime but your secret weighed you down.

Rachel...
I see the tragedy of a promising young starlet whose life was cut short by an illness for which there was no cure. Destined to be the next Shirley Temple, you were a natural performer. Your unresolved issue , of course, was that you were never able to realize the dream you were meant to fulfill.

Welcome home, Arlene! It's not too late at all! Glad you joined in. Maybe you won't feel that way after you read about your past life!
Let me grab a wine cooler and see what I can see...:)
I don't know why I see you on an ostrich farm, but indeed I do. And oh dear, the very animals you raised and loved...I don't know, I see you down and I see a lot of pecking. Unresolved issue: betrayal. And no, I'm not smoking anything.


Sarah,
You were a well-known musician and composer who lived a conservative life. Your fame came at a young age. Because of your dedication to your craft, you had little time for social endeavors. When the world of music underwent major changes, your popularity declined drastically. You were never able to regain it. Your later years were lonely and bitter.

New Words to Webster

Take a fun quiz about some of the new words added to Webster this year. I got 6/8.

I've decided to reconsider teaching. I re-vamped my resume and got it out there. I can't tell you how many times I've said I would never teach again. I'm such a liar!

So, I was wrong about Germany in the World Cup finals. I was glad to be wrong, seeing as it meant Italy beat them!!!!
I'm so relieved Sarah's husband can be the riduculee instead of the rediculed!

South Florida is stinking hot in the summer. No, this is not news to me or anyone else. I'm just getting very sick of not being able to go outside simply because I enjoy breathing and detest mosquitoes.

I finally submitted some poems to a couple of e-zines. I'm not starting another round of 30:30 yet. It has been a nice few days off.

I took the girls (my twins and the neighbors, or "cousins" as we're now calling them) to see fireworks last night from a high point in a nearby mall parking lot. I've never seen so many displays at once. It was quite lovely. I found a radio station that was playing patriotic music and cranked it. For the kids, the highlight was that I let them watch from the roof of my Jeep!

Alp's Birthday

I forgot to mention that we celebrated Alp's birthday two days ago. He turned 12 on Thursday! I went to his summer school class with some cupcakes and we sang Happy Birthday there, and then in the evening, we had a party at his favorite place...Chuck E. Cheese! He had a great time and seeing him so happy made me feel great.