Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Private School Dilemma (updated)

I'm supposed to be on my way to drop off a check for Erin's new school, along with the contract...but I just can't do it.
I realize that I am supposed to give them the matriculation fee check of $1000.00, plus the first installment of $1100.00 for tuition. And I just can't do it. I haven't had a call for a job interview in weeks. I'm trying not to let the anxiety overwhelm me. I think I'm going to cry.

It is too long of a story to explain why the public school system is failing her, but take my word for it that it is. Maybe I can find a cheaper school than this one. I have looked, but I can look more. I'm just beside myself.

I don't know why I feel the need to share my meltdown with my blog friends, but I think the idea of writing, and knowing there is a little audience, will help me get through this moment without a full blown panic attack. So, bear with me, please!

Rachel is definitely going to the private school for students with ADD. That one isn't costing us too much($400.00 per month) because she got the McKay Scholarship for kids who have an IEP, plus we got decent financial aid from them. I need to go pick up her health forms from the doctor and bring in a tuition payment. At least her dad has agreed to pay that tuition every other month.

My parents offered some help for Erin's school, which was nice, but I'm apprehensive to take them up on it. Even if I did, the price is still so steep.

I'm just a wreck. What am I going to do?

Just as soon as I published this, I got two calls and two interviews! One of those calls is for a very small private school in a nearby town, and it is a possibility that Erin could actually go to that school. I have my interview on Thursday, and we will talk more about it then. The director is also from Chicago, which is a great connection. She said the school has a very creative approach, which of course, is right up my alley!

The other position is for a sales job. I don't have that interview until next Tuesday, so I'll have time to think about the other job and which direction I would like to go. I'm so happy I might actually have some choices.

I feel much, much better now! :)

Second Update

Funny thing, even though things worked out, I still wasn't able to avoid the anxiety symptoms. I took the girls out to the store, with the neighbors (or course) and suddenly, my legs ceased normal function and I became dizzy. I could move my limbs, but it was like I was commanding their motion from a distant remote control. I guess the brain could send the message and the muscles could respond, but I felt somewhat removed from that final action. I wondered how I was going to drive home.
My girls know about my condition, so I told them what was going on. Erin said the funniest thing at that point. She recommended we call "those people that pick you up and drive you home when you're drunk." She's such a riot! I asked her what we were going to tell the people, since I wasn't exactly intoxicated.
I ended up drinking a little Mountain Dew, and that helped me out quite a bit. I felt fine about driving. Just being back in the house, I was one hundred percent better.


At 12:20 AM, Blogger Sam of the ten thousand things said...

As a parent, no doubt, your stress is doubled. That's been my path. Maybe much of the stress you're feeling is for the children-- not because of-- but trying to take the brunt for them. And that's to your credit. Sounds like your children are a source of strength for you-- as you are for them.

You take care with the anxiety. That's a tough villain.

Hope the interviews go well for you.

At 2:49 AM, Blogger Liz said...

Hope things work out with the schools Lauren...it is a big decision to make...and gosh you poor thing, really glad the drop of mountain dew helped....(in my hometown, mountain dew refers to a drop of illegal alcohol- 'poitín' made from potatoes:)) your daughter sounds real funny, I love her name (me being Irish :))
Best of luck with the interviews.
Take care.


At 7:48 AM, Blogger michi said...

i am with sam - you want what is best for your girls, and that, i imagine, must be stressful at times. all credit to you.

i hope things work out just fine.

hugs, m

At 8:35 AM, Blogger lorguru said...

thanks for the support! All of your kind words are really appreciated.

At 8:39 AM, Blogger lorguru said...

btw, Liz, that is really funny about the Mountain Dew! That probably would have helped even more! Then again, maybe not!

At 3:22 PM, Blogger tshsmom said...

Actually, the public school system SHOULD be paying for Rachel's school. The only problem is that it's a long, nasty process, with LOADS of red tape. :(
I understand all about the system failing our special needs kids!! We don't have any options up here, so homeschooling was our only option. GOOD LUCK!

At 3:35 PM, Blogger C. E. Chaffin said...

This all sounds utterly normal to me, from the anxiety about money to the resistance to borrowing from parents. And the episode at the store, when you felt your body was a separate entity, that's the depersonalization that sometimes accompanies anxiety.

My first-born daughter is named Rachel and also has ADD. She's doing well as a single mother, which amazes me. I'm so proud of her!

Oh, and Mountain Dew is the only lemon-lime soda I know with caffeine.


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