sardined

Nine months later

2007-09-09T21:16:00.000-04:00

Well, guess what?
We got divorced (end of January.
We tried to get back together.
We broke up once and for all.
I'm moving on.

I'm working in a new school as an administrator.
Loving it, but I'm poor because both the girls are attending the same school and there is NO discount for employees. They take the tuition from my paycheck, and even with financial aid, I'm barely braking even.

I'm not sure if I really want to continue to blog regularly, but I thought I would at least add this little update.

I have not been writing poetry at all. Shame on me. I thought I would do it in the summer, but instead I ended up having to look for a new job, and then, once I found it, I had to start right away (I don't get summers off as an administrator).

The girls and I moved back into the house and the ex moved to an apartment on the ocean. I am going to try to sell the house now, but it is still roofless (another long, boring story).

I'm going to go check out some old friends' blogs to see if they are still writing!

Ciao!

Been Gone So Long

2006-11-11T17:24:00.000-05:00

There are many reasons I have not blogged in a long time.
Well, at least two.
The first is that I moved out of my house and am currently living with my mom (and the girls, of course)in their winter home (which is around the block from my house). I won't go into details that are too personal, but I will just say that this isn't the first time I've left, but I'm bound and determined to make this the last. My parents don't have high speed internet or wireless capabilites and I'm spoiled, so I'm not inclined to log on.
The second is that I am super, super busy with work. I still love it, but it is the most work I have ever done in my life, I believe. I am very happy, though, and that makes it all worth it.

I have done zilch in the way of writing poetry lately. I'm actually too busy to miss it too much right now. I know I'll get back to it as soon as I get a chance.

Loving It!

2006-10-17T21:45:00.000-04:00

Of course, I've been very busy trying to get in the swing of things at work. The great news is, I am loving this more than I ever imagined possible. I don't want to gush, because I know I'm still in the honeymoon stage...but I can tell that there are a lot of things about this position that are very different than any other teaching job I've had. I've never been an elementary school teacher, and I never thought I would like that. This just proves how little I knew about myself.
I love fifth grade. The kids are great. I enjoy teaching all the subjects...including MATH! I almost feel like I'm "playing teacher" like I did when I was a kid. I believe I'm where I should be right now, and it is a great feeling. (Once again, thank you, God!)

Erhan is doing well on the road to recovery. He is still on a large dose of predinsone and is being monitored closely. He is still weak, but is improving steadily.

The kids are fine. School is going well for all three.

Time to get to bed so I can wake up bright and early.

Got the Job!

2006-10-11T23:04:00.000-04:00

I just found out today, in the middle of my second day in a row of substitute teaching for the fifth grade class, that I GOT THE JOB!!!
I'm really excited about it, and I think I'm going to like it. It is so much better than the school I worked at in August. Yes, I do believe everything does happen for a reason.
I'm in a hurry to get to bed so I'm well rested for tomorrow, my first day as the official teacher.

More good news...my collaboration with Valerie Fox took first place at the ITWS contest! I'll get a $20.00 Amazon gift certificate, which is great...but the best part of all was the fun I had working with Valerie. I we get to do another one sometime soon.

I probably will be a bit overwhelmed with work, especially at first, but I will stop by all my favorite blogs as soon as I get a chance!

Ohwhatasillygooseiam!!!!

2006-10-03T20:08:00.000-04:00

I am pretty embarrassed, and very relieved. My worries were for naught. Not hearing from the school didn't mean anything at all. They just haven't made up their mind about the teacher I might replace. I talked to the principal today and she told me she is going to wait until the week of the 20th (my birthday, no less) when that teacher is planning to be out of town. She is going to have me sub for her, and will make up her mind by then. If they do stick with that teacher for this year, they still want me for Spanish. So, I had no reason to be so depressed and full of self doubt.
Erhan is losing weight by heaps and bounds. Almost too much. I'm waiting to hear from his doctor to find out if it is too much. He is losing as much as ten pounds a day with the diuretics. I think that his body is getting a little dehydrated, so I've encouraged him to drink more. His face and upper body now looks skeletal, and his legs are still like tree trunks.

I took Alp to the dentist today. The last few appts., his mom has taken him. I have never been to this dentist. At first, she asked me if I was his Aunt. I explained that I am the stepmom and that he actually lives with us. Later in the appt., she explaimed, "He just trusts you so much! I've never seen him so behaved. You are so good with him!" I was flattered.

I'm really happy today. I'm back in the ballgame with the job at the school I want. Thank you, God!

Dang

2006-10-01T21:39:00.000-04:00

Nobody called me on Friday about the job. It was a long day with an anticlimactic ending. Every time the phone rang, I jumped with excitement. And it was never the school.

On Friday I drove all the way to Plantation to get fingerprinted for the school. I also finished all the application paperwork and turned it in to the Delray campus. Then, I left a note for the principal, asking her if there was any news and if she could please call me.

Then, nothing.

They told me I should be hearing from them on Friday, so I don' think this is a good sign at all.
Then, in the Sunday newspaper, and ad appeared for the Spanish teacher position.

My dad tried to console me, saying that it might just be their policy to advertise, but I don't know. Those ads cost a lot of money. If they already had the best, why complicate the matter?

The trouble is, that school is located pretty close to the last school I worked at, and I had a problem with them before I left. It was a bad situation because the principal that hired me left the school and the new guy was extremely incompetent. The atmosphere of the school changed completely. I tried to hang in there, but I became nervous and unhappy. I didn't really leave on a positive note, and this other school may have caught wind of that. Which is really a pity, if that is the truth. Because I am a very good teacher. And that school did not treat me well. I could have sued them, but I did not want to deal with that. I ended up making an agreement with them, and they paid me an extra year of my salary. I don't think they would have agreed to that if they didn't know they were doing something wrong. Right?

Anyway, I don't know one hundred percent if this opportunity is over, but I don't feel good about it now. They really had my hopes up. I was flying high for awhile there. It doesn't feel good to be lifted up just to be shot down.

I hate the thought of going back to the drawing board with the job hunt, too.

I do keep reminding myself that when a door closes, it is for a reason, and a better one will open, if I have faith.

More Updates

2006-09-28T10:19:00.000-04:00

On Monday I spent the day teaching fifth grade. I enjoyed it and I think I did a good job. Now, I have to wait for the administration to decide if they are going to let the other teacher go or not. Even though she is in her fifties, she is new to teaching and it just has not been going well. They have been trying to give her a lot of support and help, but they are getting to the end of the rope.
I went to a New Parent Reception two nights ago and the principal introduced me to the Head of School. They told me that they would have a decision for me by Friday. Even if the decide to stick with the current teacher, there is a Spanish teacher who is about to have a baby, and they told me I would probably get that job. My only apprehension with that is that the position may not be permanent if she decides to just take a leave. The principal said she thinks it is unlikely because that woman has had three babies in the past three years. We'll see.
My husband is doing the same. He goes to the kidney doctor this afternoon.
Thanks again for everyone's thoughts and prayers!

Updates

2006-09-24T12:54:00.000-04:00

Things are okay. My husband is out of the hospital. We are currently waiting for a nurse to come to the house to give him a shot and show me how to do it for the next few days. It goes right into his belly. It won't be easy for me.

Tomorrow I go and teach at the school I might get the job at. I'm excited about it. It will be something totally different for me since I have never taught elementary school. I would be teaching fifth grade.

My parents are going to come to town to help us out. They will be here this Wednesday. I can't wait to see them. It will be so nice to have some help!

Bad News, Good News

2006-09-21T16:05:00.000-04:00

Bad News: Erhan is back in the hospital. He went for a follow-up visit and they found blood clots in his arm. He is getting Halrpin through an IV right now.
Good News: I might get a job at Erin's school...which would have the following benefits:
1) Drive to and from school with Erin, have the same schedule as Erin.
2) Great school, positive atmosphere.
3) Free tuition for both Erin and Rachel (value: 29K per year)
4) Health insurance
5) Better pay than I made at the other school.

I went in to the school yesterday to meet with one of Erin's teachers. She is struggling with Honors English, which is mostly grammar, but is thriving in Honors Literature. I wanted to see if it is possible for her to get into regular English and stay in the same Lit class. I also wanted to go over Erin's testing that shows her learning style strengths and weaknesses.
Anyway, I really enjoyed meeting with the English teacher. I mentioned to her that I am a teacher and that I would love to teach there. (I applied in the summer but never heard from them). She told me I should keep checking in and that they may be needing some teachers already. SO, I went into the main office, and before I knew it, I was in an interview with the principal!
I was scheduled to come in and teach tomorrow so I could see how the students are and they can see how I teach. However, now that Erhan is in the hospital, we have postponed it until Monday.

I'm very excited about this possibility, even though I know it would be very different for me (I would be teaching fifth grade and I've never taught kids that young, nor have I ever been a teacher who teaches all subjects). I really do hope it works out and any good thoughts or prayers for me, and my sick husband as well, would be greatly appreciated!

Weight Loss Update

2006-09-18T21:44:00.000-04:00

I began my new eating attitude (like Richard Simmons, I never say "diet") about two months ago. I planned to start out with the Lemon Cleanse diet, but that didn't even last one day.

Anyway, I am very happy to report that so far, I have lost twelve pounds. I have about twelve more to go.
I'm very pleased.

My secret?
Once, a long, long time ago, a doctor told me that I would be surprised to find out how little humans actually need to eat in order to be healthy. He said that we tend to eat much more than we need.

So, I keep that in mind and just somehow got myself into the right frame of mind.

I basically eat two Luna bars per day with a glass of orange juice, and one small meal (of soup or something low fat). I eat all the fruit I want. I also munch on pretzels dipped in humus (a new obsession of mine). I try to drink water more often than soda or juice.

I have also been following a very healthy regimen for my IBS. This means I don't eat any dairy, except for occasional yogurt. This is also good for my Rosacea problem, which is not too advanced.

Anyway, I have dropped one clothing size so far. I feel much more comfortable in my clothes and I have a few things I just can't wear because they are too big now. That is a great feeling.

I know the next twelve pounds will take longer to come off, but I'm not in any hurry. I have really changed my outlook. Plus, now that I feel better about myself, I am more motivated to keep it up.

One thing I have never been able to do is count calories. I refuse to go that route. I also don't weigh myself every day. I get on the scale about once every four days, or sometimes maybe more like once per week.

If I decide to let myself have a treat, I don't worry about. I don't deprive myself, except for things like cheese and other dairy. I don't give in on that because I just think about how bad it will make my stomach feel.

As for exercise, I do try to be more active. I take the dogs for long walks and have been spending more time outdoors.

The Drama Teacher's Response:

2006-09-18T11:41:00.000-04:00

Dear Ms. Gurus,

Thank you for your email concerning Erin.

I am not sure why Erin's progress report showed that she had an F- for Drama. She has an A+. I can only assume that it was due to the confusion of which section (MWF or TR) she was attending and/or supposed to be in (see next paragraph). As for the minus after an F, that is a school grade, not one I chose.

Regarding attendance, I am extremely accurate about taking attendance each and every day in our computerized attendance program. I had NOTHING to do with Erin being told she "must switch to MWF classes." I only followed my class roster(s) in the computer (of which she jumped around and at last view, was on both) and either marked her present or absent each day. According to our computerized system, she was absent from MWF 6 times. The day she was to be in class was confusing to me, as she kept jumping around, and last week we all received clarification. I do recall you emailing me about Erin's illness at the beginning of the year to which I promptly replied to your email.

I don't know why Erin told you that she didn't receive a syllabus. She already turned in a signed one. In addition, I made it extremely clear each day in both sections that it was due, what the consequences were for not turning it in, what the next best grade was that could be earned, etc.

I too am new to American Heritage this year and just like Erin, need a learning curve with policies and procedures. As you know, in the age of the computer, glitches happen too.

Rest assured that Erin has a fine grade in Drama and I look forward to continuing to work with her on Tuesdays and Thursdays this year.

Sunday Night

2006-09-17T21:38:00.000-04:00

The girls are home from their weekend at their father's. I'm so happy to have them back home. It was lonely without them around.

I actually used the ride-on mower for the first time today. It was a blast. I didn't finish the whole yard (one acre) because the machine stopped working about three quarters through (overheated?).
I should have tried it sooner. Now I don't have to get frustrated about my husband not taking care of it. I can do it myself. I already do the edging, trimming, weeding, and everything else out there.

Erhan, by the way, had a Picc Line in the hospital. It is a port to take blood from or inject the IV into. They removed it before he was discharged, and yesterday, he started draining water from the hole. It is bizarre and gross. It does not appear to be infected, the liquid is clear and odorless. It may just be some of the water he is retaining.

I did call his nurse from the hospital, but she didn't know anything. What a surprise. haha Anyway, we have been keeping it clean and tomorrow we will call the doctor. It hasn't stopped, and it leaks quite a bit.

I'm on day 16 at 30:30. Tomorrow Valerie and I are going to start working on a collaboration for the ITWS contest. That should be fun. It will be my first!

Tomorrow I am going to be going to meet w/ Erin's English teacher. I also have to bring her to the ortho to pick up her new retainers. I think that Alp found her originals and broke them up into tiny bits of plastic. I knew that was just a matter of time. Fortunately, they don't charge for new ones in Phase I.

If I decide to take the job at LEAD America, which is looking promising, I won't start training until one week from tomorrow. That gives me a week before I have to start. I can get the yard and hopefully the house looking pretty spiffy before then.

Dramatic Resolutions

2006-09-17T09:26:00.000-04:00

Yes, when I am sad, I look at big ways to make big changes. I know it isn't right. It's just me. And that's what yesterday's post was all about, most likely.
However, those are things that are going through my crazy head. I AM totally fed up with Florida life. I have had enough of it and I do want to move one.
But I will not do anything hasty.

I'm always in a state of change. My life is never stable. I strive for this, but it never happens. It is part of my ADD. It is also because I take on too much and am too much of a codependent type person.

I need to try to keep things stable for my children, which is what I always do keep in mind.

I am going to talk about these issues with my ADD therapist, but I wish I had someone else to talk to as well.

I Want to Leave Florida

2006-09-16T18:28:00.000-04:00

I want to leave Florida, but I don't think I can.
I'm not sure where I want to go, but I think it's home. Chicago.

Probably the biggest thing holding me back is my ex-husband, because the girls would be so far away from him. He and his wife are expecting a baby in January, and it would be horrible to take them so far away. They spend every other weekend with him, and I know that is important.

My parents and my sister are in Chicago. So are the horrible winters. I never thought I could stand the thought of going back to that. I get that seasonal depression stuff there. But I'm so unhappy here. I've had enough.

My husband would not want to go, and I think I might be okay with that. Really.

The schools are so much better there. I have more than one friend there. There is culture. There are real communities. Real food.

I moved here six years ago to get away from everything and everybody I knew and start a new life. I almost can say at this point that it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. I hate to look back and regret things because it does no good. But it also is good to admit I goofed up.

I know I really can't go. A lot of people are stuck places they would rather not be. Maybe when the girls are off in college, I can go somewhere else. They are almost twelve, so that is really only six more years. I guess when I look at it that way, it doesn't seem so bad. I've already made it through six.

I have also considered moving to Arkansas. My best friend lives there. I just don't know how I would do so far from civilization!!!!

Live through this. That's what I have to do.

2006-09-15T21:34:00.000-04:00

Dear Mr. M.,

My daughter received her progress report today, which included an F- for Drama.
(by the way, I've been a teacher for almost 20 years, and this is the first time I've ever seen a minus after an F!)

It was also reported that she was not absent at all for your class, but Erin actually missed the entire first week of school due to illness. (You may recall I wrote to you about make-up work during that time.) I only mention this to remind you that she did miss some instruction, which put her behind in every class.

After she finally got started in your T, Th class, one week later she was told she must switch to MWF classes. You may not know that this is Erin's first year at American Heritage. She didn't know anyone when she started out. Since Drama and Art class allow for more interaction than most other subjects, she had made a few friends already and was disappointed to have to change. She also wanted to have art three times per week because she would like to be an artist. Thankfully, Ms. LeFevre was able to switch her back.

Erin told me the reason she received an F- in Drama is because she did not return a signed syllabus. Many of the other teachers wrote comments under their grades, but there was nothing noted under her F-, so I assume what she told me is true.

She also told me that she never received a syllabus. I think that it is very possible that she is telling the truth, because as you can see from her other grades, she was able to return signed forms for all her other teachers, and also turns in all her assignments on time. She is a good, hard-working and honest student.

The whole concept of switching classes is new to her, and everything and everyone at American Heritage is new to her. It is a bit overwhelming. If indeed, her F- was based entirely on whether or not she turned in that one paper, I hope you can reconsider and give her a chance to hand it in. I think that, given the fact that she switched in an out of your classes two times already, she should be given some special consideration on this.

I am disappointed that Erin's first progress report at her new middle school had to be so negative. I am very proud of how well she is doing. I see her working an average of three hours per night on homework, and she has stayed after school to get extra help in many subjects. For the most part, she is very happy with American Heritage. This, however, has made her feel bad.

I look forward to hearing back from you about this. If you feel it is necessary to talk about this in person, please let me know.
If her grade was based on more than the missing signature, than I definitely want to know the reason.

Sincerely,

Lauren Gurus

PS Erin can be quite shy at first, but when it comes to performing, you will be surprised. She participated in a summer theater camp that put on a spectacular performance of Annie. She has also attended several extra curricular drama classes. I think the most important thing is that she feels comfortable and has fun continuing to learn how to express herself in this way. I'm personally afraid that starting out with an F- will have a detrimental affect.

Good News

2006-09-15T21:01:00.000-04:00

It is finally Friday...
And Erhan is home! And he's going to be okay!!!!!
The diuretic he was on seemed to be to blame for most of his problems. Or, should I say, the doctors who keep prescribing them. I don't feel like getting into the incompetence of the medical profession right now, but I will probably get into it in a future post.

And, I was offered the job I went on the interview for, yesterday. I'm seriously considering talking it, but I have to think it over. I would be a marketing representative for a student leadership program. Most of my job would be getting teachers to nominate their students for the program. I would have a territory here in Palm Beach County. The company is called LEAD America. I would be proud to represent them.

Well, if I do start, I will be starting training one week from now.

Huh?

2006-09-12T22:59:00.000-04:00

Is it Friday yet?
WHAT? Only Tuesday!
NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

Erhan had his biopsy today. They said it takes three days to get results and that he will be in the hospital at least the rest of the week.
I'm still in a daze.
I used almost a half tank of gas today carting kids around, all over the county.

Tonight was Erin's school's Open House. I got to go around to each of her classes in the order she does. Unfortunately, I didn't have anyone to watch Alp, so I had to take him with me!
Oh my, that was an adventure! After the first session, he understood the routine and stayed outside the classroom door while I went in for the ten minute session, (I stayed right by the door so I could see him). Everyone could hear his major tick explosions...mostly loud throat clearing and burping. They were non-stop. I saw and overheard some rude comments, but most people figured it out. I almost wanted to make announcements at each new class..."This is what Tourette's Syndrome looks like."
"He is on medication, and he is actually being very good!"
But I refrained. It wouldn't have been a bad idea, but I didn't want to make a bigger spectacle of myself than I already was. I didn't want to embarrass Erin, either.

Hospital and Job Lead

2006-09-11T21:36:00.000-04:00

My husband has been admitted to the hospital. His Creatanine was at such a dangerous level, I'm surprised he is still alive.
The hardest thing right now is shuffling the kids around to their different schools while trying to visit and care for him. No, I take that back (my new catch phrase, apparently!) the hardest part is not knowing what to expect in the future.
They are going to do the kidney biopsies in the morning. I hope I'm able to get to the hospital in time for that, but we don't know. I have to drop the kids off in all different parts of the county before I can get myself there.
Tomorrow night there is an Open House at Erin's school...the kind where I get to go around to each of her classes. I hope I can be there. I really want to go, but we'll have to see what happens and also if someone can watch Alp.

Good news. I got an interview for an interesting job as a marketing rep for a company that provides outreach school programs for high school kids. It sounds like something I might enjoy. The appt. is for Thursday.

2006-09-10T21:45:00.000-04:00

Fair

The foot of the giant goddess

balances on North America, the ball

smothers Chicago. Toes of the other

skim the Atlantic. Mother

Nature's enemy.

1935, the World's Fair. A Century

of Progress means Industry, means

Technology. Arms reach up

and out, say Look. Voila.

Hooray!

A plane heads for her hip.

Beams of light project

from skyscrapers. Shades of gold

and gray and turqiouse

drown out brown, green.

-lrfg

2006-09-10T21:37:00.000-04:00

212 lbs.
That is my husband's weight today.
He used to weigh 176. He is 6' tall.
Every day he gains at least a pound, but this since yesterday, he gained 6.
Tomorrow is the big day we find out if he has to go into the hospital or not. I'm already prepared for the answer to be yes. I take that back (I'm doing that a lot lately). I'll never be prepared for that. I'm trying to be ready, though.
I'm thinking about the kids and where they will be and picking them up from school, etc. if Erhan is in the hospital. Luckily, Alp will be at his mother's until Tuesday morning, so that is one less worry.
It's time like these that it is hard to live far away from all your relatives. Neither one of us has family anywhere near. Sometimes it is nice to be far away, but most times it stinks.

Hospital

2006-09-10T15:12:00.000-04:00

My husband finally agreed to go to the hospital yesterday. They wanted to admit him, but agreed that it would okay for him to come home until Monday, when we can get test results from his kidney doctor to compare. If certain levels are indeed rising, he will have to go the hospital tomorrow.
They did discover an infection he didn't know he had so he is on antibiotics now, too.
And somehow, we both got a cold...again. It's always raining for me.
Anyway, I'm glad I'm not working right now so I can help out with this situation. Unfortunately, I haven't really thought about how I'm paying the girls' school tuition. Well, that is sort of a lie. I've thought about it, I just haven't come up with a solution.
I don't want to have to ask my parents for help, again.

I'm up to day 8 at the 30:30 challenge. It already feels like a struggle. I've been ejoying it, but whether or not I'll make it will probably depend on the hospital situation.

Because of not working...

2006-09-09T09:29:00.000-04:00

I was able to go to the PTO meeting at Erin's new school yesterday, plus a support group meeting for parents of kids with ADD/OCD, etc. out in Palm Beach Gardens.
I found out at American Heritage (Erin's school) that they don't have a literary magazine. I met a mom of a new junior boy who wants to start one, and I gave her my email and told her I would love to help out if he can get it going. I'm shocked that they don't have one already.
I did some good networking at the support group and got some good recommendations on p-docs for the kids.
I really would like to consider substitute teaching at Erin's school. I could see if I like it there enough to consider working there in the future. This would let them see if they like me, too. The only problem is, of course, no health insurance. I can't believe I am one of those Americans living in fear for lack of health benefits.
Meanwhile, my husband's health continues to decline. If I had my way, I would have him in the hospital right now. He is very short of breath and wheezing. He gets bigger every day. I don't understand what he is waiting for. Stubborn. Scared.

Two poems about the same time in my life

2006-09-08T06:03:00.000-04:00

High Risk Pregnancy

Goodbye cannot be divided
by the square root of ginger
with potato chips or was it coke?
This recommendation courtesy the nutritionist
during my pregnancy with quads.
Her office was tandem to her bedroom. Never,

never accuse me of intoxication, decapitation,
or lack of masturbation. I do not exaggerate.
I won't touch ginger anymore. It is the vertigo
of nausea and the color of wet puke. Aspiration
takes on its fourth definition
and the therapist recommends I plant two trees.
She doesn't know me.
I never stay in one place long enough for trees.
What were their sexes? If you follow,
I hang my head.

Waiting

My whippet’s white needle hairs stick up
from the Smithsonian Bible replica quilt.
I’m a large lump
under the story of Adam and Eve,
a faulty incubator whose cervix has been labeled:
incompetent.
I flip channels on trashy talk shows
and video clips of OJ’s white van
avoiding the inevitable. I
drink water and spill some.

2006-09-07T13:53:00.000-04:00

Things were not as they seemed. She (the boss woman)did not trust me after I quit. I decided yesterday was my last day.
I feel bad for the students that enjoyed my classes. I will miss them.
Here I am again. Unemployed.

I'm having some trouble figuring out who I'm supposed to be.
Meanwhile, I'm trying to not get overly nervous about my very sick husband, and not too annoyed at one of my daughters who can't understand all I'm going through and continues to whine about getting an iPod nano. We're gong broke, aren't we? I am pretty surprised at what a spoiled girl she seems to be. Is it my fault?

I Quit!

2006-09-05T22:27:00.000-04:00

What a relief! I told my boss that I need to find a new job because my husband and I desperately need health insurance. Unfortunately, this is very true. My husband has been very ill. He needs a lot of medical attention and he is unable to work. We have gotten ourselves into a real pickle.
Anyway, the boss was very nice (seemed equally as eager to rid herself of me!) and even offered to give me a good reference. I thought that was especially nice.
I am going to continue working until either she finds a replacement or I find a new job.
So, back to the old employment search.
I have said it many times, I'm much better at getting jobs than I am at keeping them!
I'm sure it is just a matter of finding the right thing. The search continues!

2006-09-04T20:52:00.000-04:00

As a passion driven being, what happens when my heart is no longer in it?

Emotional about Irwin, Agassi

2006-09-04T10:24:00.000-04:00

I'm emotional. The world lost two legends this weekend.

Andre Agassi ended his spectacular tennis career yesterday. I was watching when he got his four minute standing ovation after dropping his fourth set at the US Open. He made a beautiful "thank you, fans" speech. I could barely stand to watch, but I also could not look away.
Andre, you brought the game to new levels and you are a class act. I wish you a happy and fulfilling retirement with your beautiful wife and children.

Now today, I find out that Steve Irwin, the infamous Crocodile Hunter, is dead at 44. It happened suddenly in a freakish accident with a stingray, whose barb pierced his heart.
I never cared much for him, or so I thought. He was needlessly reckless. His goofy facial expressions and exaggerated Aussie accent grated on my nerves. When he fed an alligator in 2004 with one hand and held his new baby son in the other, I thought I completely lost respect for him. I am ashamed to admit, I even mocked him at school just the other day, while comparing him to my favorite wildlife geek, Jeff Corwin.
But now that he is gone, I realize I liked him a lot more than I let on. Despite the things I didn't agree with, I definitely appreciated his love of wildlife and passion for conservation. He saw beauty in all of God's creatures and would go out of his way to save any animal, no matter how intimidating their teeth. He taught several generations to respect nature. He risked his life to bring an important message to mankind.
Darn it, I will miss you, Steve. You made this world a better place.
To his wife and children, I'm very sorry for your loss.

Back at ITWS, 30:30

2006-09-03T09:44:00.000-04:00

After going to check out Freada's lastest psalms up at 30:30, I could not resist the urge to try yet again for my seventh round. I posted one poem last night and another one today. I've started a mini nightmare series.
Today's post:

Recurring Nightmare: Insects

limbless my
trunk resigns
on the forest
floor ants forge
their jointed
legs tibial spurs
claw and tip
of gastor prick
the pores of me
belly and breast
under mandible
and antenna

There is a fabulous cast of characters participating at the moment...just about everyone except for michi, whom I suspect will be back soon. Sometimes all those great writers can be intimidating, but I'm willing to give it a try. I think it is important for me to write right now.

2006-09-02T19:25:00.000-04:00

I lost my cell phone yesterday.
I cried a few times throughout the day, too, but not because of the phone.
I'm not sure if my job is right for me. I want it to be. I enjoy the students. The school is very special and I'm proud to be a part of it. I like working again, even though it is quite a challenge.
The problem is, I seem to keep upsetting my boss, despite my attempts to please. I know this is not the place to get into the details.
I feel lost.

Sick of School!!!!

2006-08-31T20:24:00.000-04:00

I teach every period of the day, including all levels of middle and high school Spanish, English, Creative Writing and Environmental Science. I get a half an hour to eat lunch, which is my only breather.
Then, I come home to spend two to three hours helping my daughter with homework for her eight classes.
Next, I think about how I need to prepare for tomorrow's lessons, but instead brush my teeth and crash.

I don't know if I can keep up with this pace. It doesn't help that I have been running around in the hours right after school trying to complete the treasure hunt that Erin's teachers have assigned. Do they think they are being funny? Will there be a prize when I find all the rediculously picky items, such as a pocket folder that MUST be plastic and MUST be purple. I'm expecting a prize. Then again, I may never find it all, so never mind.

I'm venting and ranting and I'm sorry. I do feel a little bit better. At least with the hurricane days, the week was short and now we have the Labor Day weekend coming up.

Much Ado...

2006-08-30T13:30:00.000-04:00

Ernesto was a no show.
Hallalujah!
I am tempted to keep all the patio stuff crammed onto the back porch until the season is over. And this time I'm not going to wait for next storm to be named before I stock up on gallons of water.

Rachel has an orthodontist appointment this afternoon and she may be getting her braces off. Keeping track of her retainers will be a real challenge. Erin has already lost hers and she generally is very responsible. We're suspecting Alp may have had something to do with it.

Ernesto

2006-08-28T21:37:00.000-04:00

Yes, Ernesto. I can't help but think of that Ernest guy who made all those movies named Ernest Does This and Ernest Does That. And now, we await his Latino brother, Ernesto.

I also think of Ernie, of Ernie and Bert fame. That guy is near and dear to my heart.
But once again, he's another joker.
I wouldn't take him too seriously.
I see a million rubber duckies blowing around amongst the fronds.

Either way, we're preparing again.
I hope he doesn't know the importance of being earnest.

I, for one, wanted to believe this year would be different. We have been through enough in the past two years. Hell, yes, we deserve a break.

I heard they are relieved over in New Orleans because it is the one year anniversary of Katrina, and this one looks like it won't be showing its face in their neck of the USA woods. I like to think of myself as a nice person, but I can't help but want to send this one Anywhere Else. I guess I'm selfish.

So, school is cancelled already for tomorrow.

I was out for three days of last week with the High Fever Virus. It was horrible. I was so relieved to finally be well and about to get into the swing of things again.

Erin finally went to her first day of middle school at her new school today. Now, by the time she goes in for her second day, it will be like the first day all over again.

Blowing off course a bit...
In poetic news, I got a rejection letter from Eclectica. I did get a personal note about how much they liked Weird Girls, so that was nice. Doesn't take much these days to make me smile, I suppose!

Time to send it out again. If anyone has any suggestions for it, let me know. Maybe this is a good time to consider trying some revisions. Wow. It has been around since December! I'm determined to get her settled in SOMEWHERE! I had also submitted First Jobs along with it. I would like to get that one a home as well, but I suppose it could also use a little more work. After all this time, I could really put a fresh perspective on them. I could also botch them up big time.

I was thrilled to get a postcard from michi, who is on holiday in Italy. It was a beautiful picture and a wonderful surprise. I love seeing her actual writing. I'll save it for when she is famous some day.

Time to get the kids to bed. Tomorrow is big hurricane prep day. It could be my last day of electricity for awhile, too. Gas is already scarce around here, and I couldn't find any bottled water at Publix this evening. Maybe they will get in more tomorrow. Anyway, we have to do the shutters, bring in all outside decoration, prepare and charge batteries and lanterns, see if we can get gas for the generator (at least we have one of those this year), fill tubs and containers with water, and PRAY!

Day 1 Down

2006-08-21T21:11:00.000-04:00

I survived my first day back to work. It is hard to believe that I have to go to bed soon and then wake up just to do it all over! Wasn't it enough to prove I could make it through this day? Do I really have to do it all again?
I have some great students to work with. I just wish I had a little more of a break here and there throughout the day. And it isn't easy teaching so many different subjects. I'm not an elementary school teacher, so I'm not used to that. I bought myself the Idiot's Guide to Global Warming for my Environmental Studies class. No, I'm not kidding.
I'm using the 7 Habits of Successful or Effective or Whatever it is Teens to begin my Writing course. That is the biggest class, and today I had them do little mini skits demonstrating the opposites of the good habits. They did an okay job with it. Getting this bunch to write will not be easy because many of them have dyslexia and it does not come easily to them. It is an interesting challenge. Right now I'm more or less getting them comfortable enough to open up.
I really need to get myself ready for tomorrow.
Erin missed her first day of school today because she can't seem to keep food down yet. She's been sick for almost a week now. That's just how bad this bug is.
Rachel went to her school for her first day today, and she is complaining because "these kids don't have a life!" She said she asked some what kind of music they like and they said jazz and the blues. For a favorite artist, they mentioned Elton John. Of course, my ultimately hip but less cultured child was looking for someone who shares a love for Panic! At the Disco or Fall Out Boy. We have had some arguments about the school already, and I can only hope that situation gets better. I have gone so out of my way to try to get my kids the best education possible, and I'm sick, and damn, I just don't feel like having this discusion tonight!

Back to School!

2006-08-20T20:02:00.000-04:00

I have been so busy getting ready for the first day of school tomorrow. The girls both start in their prospective new schools, and I start my new job at Dillon Country Day School. My schedule is overwhelming. I teach every single period of the day. I get a half an hour for lunch around noon, but other than that, I'm non-stop. The classes are small, but I am teaching several different subjects (Spanish, English, Creative Writing and Environmental Science) to students in grades 6-12.
I can't believe we all have to wake up around 6am tomorrow morning. It is already time for us to wind down and get to bed now, so we can be somewhat rested.
I will be dropping Erin off at the Wellington Community center first, and she will get her bus from there at 7:15. Next, I'll be dropping Rachel off in front of the Barnes & Noble at the Wellington Mall at 7:30. Finally, I go to my school, which is basically a block or two from there, and greet students at the door.
Tomorrow is a really big day. I'm excited and anxious for it to get started already. I do not dread it at all. I want to do my best, but I also want to remember that I need to keep that within reason. I tend to take on more than what is necessary sometimes.
I think I need to get going right now.
I have to make sure everything is ready to go.
Backpacks are ready, lunches, school uniforms, etc.
And for me...my grade book, plans, handouts, etc.

Yard Sales, Pre-teen Sells Out

2006-08-12T17:09:00.000-04:00

We finally had the yard sale. My daughter Erin loved it. She is a very entrepreneurial type. From the financial perspective, it really wasn't worth it one bit. We made about forty dollars. Then again, the purpose wasn't the money. It was to get the girls to get rid of some stuff, and this motivated them.
There were also some good lessons about business that I think Erin learned. So, it was a success on some level.

As for Rachel, I've been having some problems. She won't be twelve for another five months, and I feel like I'm already dealing with a teenager. First of all, she looks at least fourteen. The other problem is that her best friend IS fourteen. Every since we have been going out skating, Rachel and her friend Chelsea have developed a crush on a skater dude who happens to be "bisexual". This guy wears mascara and hangs out in the girls' bathroom. He sports a bilevel hairdo down to his shoulders. He is fourteen, and claims to currently have a boyfriend. Yeesh.

Last night I decided to let Rachel go to the movies with Chelsea and another friend. Chelsea's dad drove them to the theater and I was going to be picking them up. When it came time for me to give Rachel some cash, she told me she wasn't going to see a movie. I asked if I heard right. She said they were just going to eat something there. That sounded weird, but I know at this particular theater they have a huge eating area. So, I went along with it.
When I picked the girls up they told me that they saw a movie. I was irate. I don't let Rachel just see any movie, and I hadn't approved of one. They told me they saw the World Trade Center movie. I was pretty upset, and I told them so. I told Rachel I would no longer be able to trust her to go on a similar outing. She apologized up and down.

The saga continues. Today, she told me that they really didn't see a movie. She told her sister more of the things that they did, and one of them included going to the Taco Bell and McDonald's that are in the same strip mall as the theater. Yipes, I say, because that isn't a great place for young girls to be walking around on a Friday night. I always wondered who those parents were that let their young kids wander around like that, and here I am, now one of them!
Now, I'm really mad, and Rachel knows it. The thing is, I do feel bad for her because her friend is the one trying to encourage her to be sneaky, and she is the young one, trying to be cool, and she's pretty much stuck in the middle. Unfortunately, she made some wrong choices. The problem now is that Chelsea's sister told her that Rachel fessed up, and now Chelsea is mad and Rachel is crying.

I guess it isn't so bad. I have learned from it, and unfortunately one thing I learned is that Rachel is not ready to do things alone with Chelsea. I sort of had that feeling all along, but I guess I decided to give it a try. Man, they really do grow up too soon. I never expected to be dealing with stuff like this already.

Mike Douglas Passes, John Lennon Rocks My World, and Carl Is Just Fine!

2006-08-11T23:44:00.000-04:00

I have John Lennon singing Imagine on the Mike Douglas show.
This, for me, is magic.

Mike Douglas passed away today. May he rest in peace. I was young, but I do remember enjoying his show.

And, some good news...
According to a co-worker who posted a comment on Carl's blog, he has just been busy with work.
I'm so relieved.

Yard Sale Flop, Boxcar Rejection and Carl Bryant Worries

2006-08-11T13:31:00.000-04:00

Thanks to everyone for the well wishes. I'm feeling MUCH better, much sooner than I thought I would.
I have, however, been busy trying to get the kids ready for school. Since both of the girls are going off to different, new schools, there has been a lot to do.
I have also been preparing for my new teaching gig.

We tried to have our much-procrastinated yard sale this morning, but before we even sold one item, we decided to close up shop, shove everything into the garage and give it an early try tomorrow morning. We were hardly getting any traffic and it is just too unbearably hot to sit out there waiting to make an itty bitty sale.
If it weren't for the girls, I would NEVER even be doing this. They wanted to make some extra money and I wanted to inspire them to get rid of old stuff.
I think we will have much more success starting earlier and on a Saturday. If not, at least we can say we gave it our best effort.

I will have to convince the girls' father to pick them up tomorrow at noon instead of tonight, though. It is always hard to get a hold of him, which could be a problem.

I finally got a no-go response from Boxcar Poetry Review. I subbed a few poems out to so long ago I don't even remember what I sent.
Here's their letter, which I thought was quite nice:
Dear Lauren,

Thank you for submitting your work to Boxcar Poetry Review. We have read your submission with great interest, and although we have decided not to publish these particular poems, we invite you to submit again.

Best wishes,
Neil Aitken, Editor
Boxcar Poetry Review

I just looked to see what I sent them, and it was a collection that included Weird Girls. The other two were titled Away and Storm. I guess I'll need to send those out again some day.

I have just a few more days before my husband returns from his long trip. I have done so few of the many things I hoped to accomplish while he was gone. I will be running around like crazy in the next few days. I do work much better under pressure.
He didn't actually even know any of the projects I hoped to accomplish. There are just some things I prefer to do when he isn't around, like painting walls. He's too much of a nervous neat freak and is way too bothered by the smells.

One final note...
While the rest of the world waits on pins and needles for a picture of baby Suri Cruise, I am instead anxiously awaiting some news concerning fellow blog friend Carl Bryant. He is normally an avid blogger who suddenly dropped off the face of blogland. I think it has been about a month since his last post. Because he was having some health problems prior to that, I'm really concerned. Yes, I do feel a little bit strange about my worrying, since I really don't know that guy outside of blogland. But I sure enjoy his blog, appreciate his keen sense of humor, admire his poetry. He seems like a very nice guy. Yeah, I miss him here. I hope he is okay. I really do. If anyone knows what is up, please let me know.

back and scrambled

2006-08-08T22:14:00.000-04:00

Sorry to have taken so long to post after our return from Winter Haven. We were completely wiped out for a day after that, and then on Saturday night, I took the girls to The Palace, our local indoor skate place. Unfortunately, while I was out there whipping around the circle, feeling young and free(haha)...I got slammed into the ground by a man who was trying to avoid hitting some kid who was cutting across the floor. I fell on my right side and my face bounced off the wood floor. I remember the guy behind me asking me if I was okay and I just said, "NO" and sat there for a while before attempting to move. Once I was helped off the floor, the man's wife got me some ice. I cried while holding it to my throbbing jaw and cheekbone.
I eventually got to the office to file an accident report, and the owner says he thinks I should really go to the ER to have myself checked out. I had been considering that all along, but was hoping I could avoid that since I don't have any health insurance. At this point my vision was blurry and I was sick to my stomach. I decided to go. My daughter's friends had to call their parents to come together so one of them could drive my car home and the other could drop me off at the hospital.
Anyway, I checked out okay and was given some painkillers and anti-inflammatory meds. I've been surviving on those for the past few days, but decided to go without last night since I had to go to my first day of work today. That was a rough night. Tonight I'm going to try taking at least half. As the doctor predicted, I presently feel like I wrestled an alligator.

Road Trip

2006-08-02T00:12:00.000-04:00

My girls, the neighbor girls and I are headed to Cypress Gardens in Winter Haven, Florida tomorrow morning. We are going to stay overnight in the nearby hotel. We plan to be back Thursday night, and I will post some pics when we return.

Blog Trouble

2006-08-01T09:16:00.000-04:00

I don't know if anyone can access my blog right now, because I just get a blue screen when I try to view it. I don't know what is going on. If anyone is able to read this, please leave me a quick comment to let me know. I don't know how to fix this because I don't really get what is going on. My other blogs are fine!

Failure to Cleanse

2006-07-30T20:32:00.000-04:00

If anyone stopped by my blog during the hours of noon to about two pm today, you may have seen a post about the Master Cleanse Lemon Diet I was intending to start.
It was deleted because I gave up after only a half day.
I just could NOT force myself to drink the horrible lemon/maple syrup/cayenne pepper combination. It wouldn't go down.
I am thinking about doing a modified version. I have been wanting to do something like this for over a year. There was a man in my ADD group who had done something similar, and said how much it improved his health and energy level, etc. After doing it, he continued to eat healthier. He couldn't say enough about it. The cleanse he did was available online through a company called GoodHerbs. I looked into it, but the price held me back. So, when my friend Freada showed me this lemon cleanse version, I thought it was ideal because the ingredients are cheap and fairly easy to find.
It would have been a disaster if I order something that cost me almost two hundred dollars and then I decided I couldn't stomach it for more than half a day!

I want to do this for my health. I also want to do the part that comes afterwards, when you start reintroducing foods back into your diet. That is when you can determine your specific food allergies. I suppose there is another way to go about this. I'll have to look into that.

Losing weight and getting in better shape is another one of my goals, but that is not the purpose of that cleanse anyway. In the past two weeks, I have lost four pounds, which is a good, safe amount. It helps that my husband has not been around because he makes pasta almost every day. Just eliminating that has probably helped me lose.

Hot Dogs

2006-07-29T21:24:00.000-04:00

It is so stinking hot I decided to trim the dogs today. I hope they feel a little better! I was suprised at how good they were for me!
(Bella has that funny face because she is chewing a bone.)

I'm employed again!

2006-07-28T12:02:00.000-04:00

First, here's another picture of my latest painting:

Now, on to the good news:
Yesterday I was offered the job I was really hoping to get. I will be teaching at Dillon Country Day School in Wellington. It is a very small school (currently only 13 students) and I will be teaching English and Spanish and maybe some other subjects as well. I will also be helping out with the marketing of the school. I will have a lot of creative flexibility and I really like the director.

After my extensive job search, I was happy to go back to the thing I always fall back on: teaching.

I'm actually looking forward to returning to work after two years. I can't really believe it has been that long. I hope I can handle the transition!

Angel and Devil Names

2006-07-26T22:32:00.000-04:00

Fill in the blanks in the following sentences. Leave your answers in the comments section. I will use my famous and divine wine cooler skills to give you your "angel" name, and your "devil" name...

Most people are 1.____________, but I'm usually not.
If I had more 2.________________ I would 3. ______________at least once a day.
I sometimes wish 4._________________was never invented, yet I thank my lucky stars for the invention/discovery of 5._________________.
My favorite physician is Dr. 6._____________________.
The only team/athlete I would pay two hundred dollars to see in action is 7.___________________________.

I will get back to you with your names shortly!

Pam...Your angel name is Leona Goodmagic. Your devil name is Bitchy Boobtube.

Michi...Your angel name is Labiona Gugamor.. Your devil name is
Peterseh Lerscream.

Sharon...Your angel name is Lancelota Aqua. Your devil name is Mort Frivol.

Deb...Your angel name is Besos Milagro.

CE...Your angel name is Wadexa Roswell. Your devil name is Ringo Guise.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Anxious Mom's Chest...

2006-07-25T20:55:00.000-04:00

My daughters wanted to see Pirates of the Caribbean:Dead Man's Chest. I am probably one of the very few people who never saw the first one. And I had no desire to see the second.
But, Tuesday is free popcorn day at the local cinema, so I thought I would at least enjoy that part of the outing. (Me encantan las palomitas.) And then, there's Johnny Depp. Not that I'm into smudgy black eyeliner (on either gender) or gold teeth. I figured, however, that if anybody could pull it off, it would be Johnny.
Well, the popcorn was okay, but Johnny Depp as Captain Jack Sparrow was not attractive by any stretch of my imagination. I saw somewhere that his inspiration for the character was Keith Richards. Yeah, he did a good job. He basically looked like a dirty, stumbling drunk.
The movie was looooong, non-stop, foggy, far-fetched action. I could NOT handle it. Seriously. I excused myself for the last half hour, and I had been struggling with what I'll call action/sensory overload for the previous two hours. I went and did a crossword puzzle in the lobby, waiting for the girls to come out. It reminded me of when I went to see Raiders of the Lost Ark a few decades ago. I left before that one ended too.

Unfortunately, I didn't leave in time to avoid a minor anxiety attack when we went into Borders afterwards to get Erin's summer reading books and browse. It wasn't only because of the movie...but that certainly helped. The other issue was the same-old, same-old school/tuition/I'm Going To Be Broke worries..

This is what I want:
1. To find some other freaks like me who can't sit through movies like that...not just because they're bad movies, but because all that action/violence/ugliness. I just want to know I'm not alone.
2. To be able to handle life, including work, without anxiety attacks and mood swings.

BTW...I've been worried about what to do if I take the teaching job (and I really want to, if it is offered to me) about blogging and poetry. If you google my name, the top site is always SaucyVox, where I had five poems, and the word SH#T is in the second line of the first one. I'm considering using only my maiden name for future publications. For my blog, I could make it private. Any suggestions on this stuff from anyone who has a similar situation? My students will be high schoolers (and some middle school).

Grrrrrrrr.....

2006-07-23T17:11:00.000-04:00

I took the girls to the TriCounty Humane Shelter today. I used to be a volunteer there, taking pictures of the dogs for the newspaper, writing little bios, and walking them. I quit about a year ago when I was getting burned out and too sad about the ones that were there a long time, even though it is a no-kill shelter.
My daughters like to raise money to donate. They had their own little dog walking buisness called Whistle Walkers. They raised over one hundred dollars doing that last summer. They also sold lemonade about a week after Katrina hit, and donated it to their fund for pets that the shelter took in from New Orleans.
Today, we just brought in plastic bags for them, and a few dollars the girls have been saving up in a little piggy bank.
The shelter is on a beautiful site and is quite lovely. If you ever have seen Animal Cops: Miami, you may have seen it on TV. Abused or neglected animals from Miami are often brought there.
The girls can spend all afternoon with the dogs and cats, easily. Unfortunately, today I went to pet a lab mix, and the darn thing bit me. He snapped at my finger and made a pretty deep cut. I cleaned it well with their first aid kit, and headed home. I don't have insurance and I didn't want to make an issue for them (though I did report it so they know about that animal's problem). I think it will be okay. The animal is up to date on his shots, so I don't have to worry about that. I did have some left over antibiotics from Erhan's recent trip to the doctor (he had a bad reaction and didn't continue taking them after the first day) so I took some right away when I got home. I have mitral valve prolapse, so that is pretty important for me to do, although for that danger, taking them after could actually be too late.
I feel fine though. I'm sure if I keep it clean and dry for a couple of days I'll be okay.

The biter is pictured. His name is Augie. They said he would make a nice family pet. They didn't mention that they when they said family, they meant Manson Family.

UPDATE:
I decided to go to an urgent care facility to get a Tetanus shot. They gave me one shot that also had a Whooping Cough vaccine in it, which, I guess, they are recommending these days.

I look like a combination of:

2006-07-23T10:01:00.000-04:00

(This could be called nostril gazing.)

I rhink Ruth Buzzi wins the Lauren Look-a-Like contest, hands down...or, up...

Interview Updates

2006-07-22T09:00:00.000-04:00

Yesterday I had my interview for a position as a closet designer. No, not someone who designs stuff but doesn't want anyone to know about it. I would actually be designing the shelving and drawers, etc. that people want installed. The real challenge of it is the selling part, because the compensation is 100% commission.

The highlight of the interview was watching the woman interviewer methodically pick dirt from under her nails with one of those one-time-use dental floss picks, while simultaneously boasting about how professional this company is compared to its competition. She fiddled with it for most of the conversation, until she needed to put it down to reach up her shirt and reposition the girls in her bra. No, I do not jest. (Heck, I'm curious to go interview with the competition just to see how they can top that. I imagine a man excusing himself in the middle of my employment history chatter to take a dump in the nearby bathroom, continuing shouting his questions through the wall while I hear plops and splashes and then the flush!)

Anyway, I wouldn't actually mind doing something like that for awhile, but the teaching position seems like a much better opportunity. Don't get me wrong, I love public displays of hygiene and all, but I just feel using my teaching talents to help kids is a big part of what I was put on earth to do. And this school is very, very small (14 students!) and I really like the director. That means a lot.

I called her yesterday to ask her if I could pick up some forms she wants me to get done (fingerprinting is one of them) and she mentioned what a nice time she had talking to me yesterday. She is going to be out of town until Wednesday, but said she would like to meet with me again next Friday. That sounds good.

I would be teaching English and Spanish and anything else non-math related that might come up. I also told her I would like to help her with marketing. I tried to look up information about the school before the interview and could find virtually nothing other than the address. I told her I could help make a nice website for them. I would enjoy that sort of thing.

I already cancelled the interview I had set for next Tuesday. That was strictly a sales position, and the product isn't of any interest to me. I think the only reason I sent them my resume in the first place was that I was starting to feel panic when I hadn't heard from anyone else. The tuition bills were piling up.

I'm actually pretty excited about how things are turning out.

My interview suit

2006-07-21T10:48:00.000-04:00

My daughter took this picture of me after I got back from my interview yesterday. Don't I look spiffy?

I'm doing my best model pose in this one. I noticed some interesting cobwebs on my ceiling, too.

And Now...
Because Enquiring Minds Want to Know:
(a few extra poses, exposing the previously hidden middle section)
(painting visible in couch shots is a recent one of mine)

Private School Dilemma (updated)

2006-07-18T13:12:00.000-04:00

I'm supposed to be on my way to drop off a check for Erin's new school, along with the contract...but I just can't do it.
I realize that I am supposed to give them the matriculation fee check of $1000.00, plus the first installment of $1100.00 for tuition. And I just can't do it. I haven't had a call for a job interview in weeks. I'm trying not to let the anxiety overwhelm me. I think I'm going to cry.

It is too long of a story to explain why the public school system is failing her, but take my word for it that it is. Maybe I can find a cheaper school than this one. I have looked, but I can look more. I'm just beside myself.

I don't know why I feel the need to share my meltdown with my blog friends, but I think the idea of writing, and knowing there is a little audience, will help me get through this moment without a full blown panic attack. So, bear with me, please!

Rachel is definitely going to the private school for students with ADD. That one isn't costing us too much($400.00 per month) because she got the McKay Scholarship for kids who have an IEP, plus we got decent financial aid from them. I need to go pick up her health forms from the doctor and bring in a tuition payment. At least her dad has agreed to pay that tuition every other month.

My parents offered some help for Erin's school, which was nice, but I'm apprehensive to take them up on it. Even if I did, the price is still so steep.

I'm just a wreck. What am I going to do?

UPDATE!
Just as soon as I published this, I got two calls and two interviews! One of those calls is for a very small private school in a nearby town, and it is a possibility that Erin could actually go to that school. I have my interview on Thursday, and we will talk more about it then. The director is also from Chicago, which is a great connection. She said the school has a very creative approach, which of course, is right up my alley!

The other position is for a sales job. I don't have that interview until next Tuesday, so I'll have time to think about the other job and which direction I would like to go. I'm so happy I might actually have some choices.

I feel much, much better now! :)

Second Update

Funny thing, even though things worked out, I still wasn't able to avoid the anxiety symptoms. I took the girls out to the store, with the neighbors (or course) and suddenly, my legs ceased normal function and I became dizzy. I could move my limbs, but it was like I was commanding their motion from a distant remote control. I guess the brain could send the message and the muscles could respond, but I felt somewhat removed from that final action. I wondered how I was going to drive home.
My girls know about my condition, so I told them what was going on. Erin said the funniest thing at that point. She recommended we call "those people that pick you up and drive you home when you're drunk." She's such a riot! I asked her what we were going to tell the people, since I wasn't exactly intoxicated.
I ended up drinking a little Mountain Dew, and that helped me out quite a bit. I felt fine about driving. Just being back in the house, I was one hundred percent better.

Job Hunting, Tweens Night Out, Poem Number 7.7

2006-07-17T21:22:00.000-04:00

Today I sent out two more resumes, one for a tiny private school looking for a Spanish/ English teacher, and another for an Education Specialist for the Museum of Science. Both sound great. I hope at least one of them calls me for an interview. Things have been incredibly slow in the old job hunt department lately.

It was great having the girls home. I took them and the neighbor girls out to Applebee's for dinner, which was nice. They were playing great 80's music in there, and it was heard not to move or sing along at all, which is a major no-no according to my daughter, Rachel, who would die of embarrassment.

I was planning to start a cleansing diet today, but I was too lazy to go buy the organic lemons, maple syrup and cayenne pepper, which is used to make the beverage I will be living on for the next couple of weeks. After I am done with that, I am going to slowly introduce foods into my diet to determine what else, besides dairy, my system would rather do without. I'm actually looking forward to this, as horrible as it may sound. I think I will feel much better and will lose weight, also.

I wrote my poem today about Rachel and Harley:

She's a Beauty

I watch through the slider, peer
past foggy snout and tongue marks on glass: my girl
on the chair with the sixty pound, wire-haired hound
on her little lap.

He's a licker. Her head turns away
from his hot, wet affection, but not
in time.

She went out to put her old T-shirt over his head
and gently pull each lanky
fore-leg into the sleeves; her routine
whenever there is a storm brewing.
Like magic, the quivering limbs
quiet.

She stays outside for company, endures
more slobber, mosquito bites, and one hundred percent
humidity. He is grateful. She feels blessed.

My Girls, New Schools, and Hair Removal

2006-07-16T11:09:00.000-04:00

Today is a happy day because the girls are coming home from a week at their father's house. I've been missing them terribly! I can't imagine what it would be like if he took them for a whole month or worse yet, the whole summer. I know a lot of divorced parents do it that way.

BTW, Erin was accepted into the 6th grade honors reading program at American Heritage. (That is the school that is going to be taking all my money for the next few years. I get sick when I think about the expense, yet I know it is the right place for her and the right thing to do.) Anyway, for summer reading, she has to read two books (Holes is the only one I remember) and do a project for each. Fortunately, she said she has read both of the assigned books already, so reading them a second time shouldn't take her long. She'll need to start working on those this week.

We are also going to start redecorating Rachel's bedroom this week. When we moved in two years ago, she was really into camouflage, so I painted all the walls with that theme. Now, she wants her walls "firefly yellow", as she calls it. That sounds a little bright to me, but I can understand her wanting to get rid of the greens and browns. It is a bit dark!

The week before they left, the girls went through their rooms and gathered a lot of stuff to sell in a garage sale. I personally don't care for the idea, but it was good to motivate them for major cleaning. I told them they could keep whatever money they make. I have been gathering things for the sale as well, in my effort to de-clutter my house (an ongoing, life-long project!). I was thinking that if I can make a decent amount of money, I might take the girls to Disney World before they have to go back to school. I would just have to pay for a night in a hotel and the admission, which is the hefty part. Orlando is only about three hours away. I really would like to take them again, because the only other time they've been there was when they were seven, and they were a little apprehensive about everything at that age. Now, I want them to get to experience it before they are too old(not that you can really be too old for Disney.)

I had a pretty funny thing happen to me this morning. Well,it didn't really "happen to me",...I did it to myself. Yesterday I was going to the local pharmacy to buy Erhan some ear plugs for sleeping, when I saw a guy wearing an 80% Off sign on the side of the road. It seems our local Albertson's grocery store is going out of business, so I shifted gears and joined in the madness. Of course, everything was terribly picked over, but with my fine shopping skills ;) I was able to find several bags full of "stuff". One thing I bought was a little battery powered eyebrow trimmer. I had one before, but it wasn't working so well anymore. For $2.00, I figured I could afford a new, fancy one. This morning, I set out to give it a try. And now, as I sit here typing, I am minus eyelashes on my left eye and have a little bald patch where my widow's peak should be. Darn, that thing is powerful! It has two sides, you see, and one is very long. There is an attachment for trimming the eyebrows, and I didn't realize that while I was doing just that, the lower part was simultaneously shaving my lashes! ( I wonder how fast those things grow back?:() They aren't completely gone, just ground down to stubble. I'm such a dork. The bald patch? Well, I always struggle with these little whispy hairs up by my widow's peak. I also hate that my hairline is so low. So, I frequently pluck out those hairs. I wanted to try my new super-dee-duper hair remover, and well, it was just a little more turbo than I expected. I was horrified when I saw full length bangs fall to the sink. You're probably wondering how I can remain so calm. I guess I'm just not that vain. Hair grows back. I keep that forhead stubble covered up by my side part. And my eyelashes are so dark and long normally, that I'm still gorgeous with 3/4 of them cut off. (Nah, I'm not vain at all!)

A Friend!

2006-07-13T17:02:00.000-04:00

When I started my first round of 30:30 about ten months ago, I made some great online poet friends.
Today, one of those friends became an offline friend, as well!

Freada moved from Georgia to my town in Florida several months ago (she happens to be a Florida native). We talked many times about getting together, and we finally got our act together to make it happen.

We met at her adorable apartment just off the intercoastal. It is a small place with big charm (not unlike Freada herself, who is quite tiny and also full of charm). It is typical old-style Florida... and the most amazing feature is the courtyard with its meandering paths, aligned with tropical foliage and ponds of colorful fish. Freada and her cat posse are the self-appointed groundskeepers. Most impressive were the bromeliads and orchids in full bloom.

Freada is taking a copywriting course for which she must write about a favorite local restaurant. Much to my delight, she took me to this wonderful place called Hurricane __________(I only remember there were two words and one of them was hurricane!). The conch fritters, potato soup and pasta salad were all delicious, but the quaint, hurricane-by-the-sea decorations, complete with a metal sculpted hammerhead hanging from the ceiling, were what made it a stand-out experience. Of course, talking to Freada was the real highlight.

We covered many topics, but most conversation revolved around family, mental illnesses, and poetry. (We planned to read some of our own poetry, but we didn't get around to that this time.)

The afternoon flew by rather quickly, and I got the feeling we could have talked for a few days straight if we didn't have any other obligations. It was a blast.

Freada and I are both interested in finding some local poetry readings to attend, as well as local Toastmasters groups. We are also planning to get together at my place, same time next week.

autumnal

2006-07-12T23:24:00.000-04:00

You have become dark
and around the edges
crisp enough to fall as ash.

Are those holes
where you let them feed?

I could lift you up
but would regret
should you decompose
in my own hands.

-lrfg

2006-07-12T12:59:00.000-04:00

bubble in glass

no longer able to rise
nor escape

frozen visible

mistake
displayed

I rejoined 30:30 at Inside the Writers' Studio yesterday. I'm starting my seventh month. The above was my little contribution for today.

Jon Pak Again

2006-07-10T23:38:00.000-04:00

The infamous Jon Pak gives his approval or disapproval to five more of my suggestions...mine starts at streaking and ends with a chunk of skull. I just love coming up with ideas and seeing what pictures he puts with them. I'm not sure why. :) This time, I realized I made a typo after I already sent it in...but he kept the typo and well. I guess it works that way too, maybe better. See if you can find it!

Name That Jingle

2006-07-09T19:02:00.000-04:00

Another fun quiz. Of course, if you are not from the US, you might not have been exposed to all these jingles. I got one wrong this time, not going with my gut.

Unresolved Issues from your Past Life

2006-07-07T22:03:00.000-04:00

I've decided to join the quiz craze. As you will recall, Sarah has had a couple of insightful ones, and michi featured the infamous Poetry Title Generator on her blog (darn, I still haven't written that poem!).
Now, purely for entertainment purposes (that's my disclaimer!), I will read your answers to the following, then stare into my Calypso Colada wine cooler until I see the vision. If it isn't too disturbing, I'll share it with you in the comments section.

Ever wonder what unresolved past-life issue plagues your soul? Answer the following ten questions and wait for your answer!
1. On an average day, approximately what percent of your waking hours do you spend barefoot?
2. Do you spend more time avoiding:
a. pain
b. ridicule
c. ostracism?
3. Early, Right-on-time, or Late?
4. Describe any irrational fear you have now or had as a child.
5. At what age was your first real kiss?
6. Have you ever had any recurring dreams? If so, describe one of them in three words or less.
7. Name the first country that comes to mind that is of absolutely no interest to you. (as far as travel or general culture)
8. Approximately how many people have you brought a card or flowers to in a hospital?
a. 0
b. 1-5
c. 6-15
d. 16-30
e. 30+
9. What is the first physical sign that you've had a few too many drinks?
10. Name one of your favorite TV shows from your childhood.

michi...thanks for being the first brave soul!
Let's get down to business!
Your unresolved issue:
Your occupation or lifestyle (possibly a pirate)involved extensive marine travel, which made it difficult to develop intimate relationships. You fell in love a few times, but one partner stood out as "the one" you could never forget. As you approached middle age, you decided to do everything possible to find that person and start a family. Sadly, you died from from a venomous spider bite before you could begin your search.

Thank you for stepping up, my brave little Liz Anne!
You may be surprised to find out that last time around, you were a member of a powerful mob family. You were never quite comfortable with the lifesyle, so when you married, you and your spouse ran far, far away. You changed your name, started anew, and lived a long, honest life (unfortunately always looking over your shoulder) Never seeing your parents again and not even being able to attend their funerals also left you without closure. Did they understand your abandonment? Did they forgive you? These are your unresolved issues.

Pam,
I'm seeing a rugged child fending for herself in the tough streets of some South American country. Yes, Pam, you were an orphan, begging and taking what you could in order to live. It made you strong, but you carried with you into this life two things: a tough, no-nonsense spirit, coupled with a a deep sensitivity for the pain and suffering of others.

Sharon,
You, my dear, were a Nobel prize winning doctor who died with a big secret. Did you tamper with statistics...did you present someone else's information as your own? This went with you to your grave. You did so much good in your lifetime but your secret weighed you down.

Rachel...
I see the tragedy of a promising young starlet whose life was cut short by an illness for which there was no cure. Destined to be the next Shirley Temple, you were a natural performer. Your unresolved issue , of course, was that you were never able to realize the dream you were meant to fulfill.

Welcome home, Arlene! It's not too late at all! Glad you joined in. Maybe you won't feel that way after you read about your past life!
Let me grab a wine cooler and see what I can see...:)
I don't know why I see you on an ostrich farm, but indeed I do. And oh dear, the very animals you raised and loved...I don't know, I see you down and I see a lot of pecking. Unresolved issue: betrayal. And no, I'm not smoking anything.

Sarah,
You were a well-known musician and composer who lived a conservative life. Your fame came at a young age. Because of your dedication to your craft, you had little time for social endeavors. When the world of music underwent major changes, your popularity declined drastically. You were never able to regain it. Your later years were lonely and bitter.

New Words to Webster

2006-07-06T14:40:00.000-04:00

Take a fun quiz about some of the new words added to Webster this year. I got 6/8.

2006-07-05T09:00:00.000-04:00

I've decided to reconsider teaching. I re-vamped my resume and got it out there. I can't tell you how many times I've said I would never teach again. I'm such a liar!

So, I was wrong about Germany in the World Cup finals. I was glad to be wrong, seeing as it meant Italy beat them!!!!
I'm so relieved Sarah's husband can be the riduculee instead of the rediculed!

South Florida is stinking hot in the summer. No, this is not news to me or anyone else. I'm just getting very sick of not being able to go outside simply because I enjoy breathing and detest mosquitoes.

I finally submitted some poems to a couple of e-zines. I'm not starting another round of 30:30 yet. It has been a nice few days off.

I took the girls (my twins and the neighbors, or "cousins" as we're now calling them) to see fireworks last night from a high point in a nearby mall parking lot. I've never seen so many displays at once. It was quite lovely. I found a radio station that was playing patriotic music and cranked it. For the kids, the highlight was that I let them watch from the roof of my Jeep!

Alp's Birthday

2006-07-01T10:30:00.000-04:00

I forgot to mention that we celebrated Alp's birthday two days ago. He turned 12 on Thursday! I went to his summer school class with some cupcakes and we sang Happy Birthday there, and then in the evening, we had a party at his favorite place...Chuck E. Cheese! He had a great time and seeing him so happy made me feel great.

Declined the Job

2006-06-29T23:30:00.000-04:00

Thanks to everyone who sent me the congratulations on my recent job offer...but I finally made up my mind and decided to decline. As much as I would have loved the position, it was too far and not enough compensation to make it worthwhile. By the time I paid for gas and the money for aftercare for the kids, I might just break even!
I'm still interested in the job at AVDA (Youth Intervention Specialist) and may also consider a position at the school my daughter will attend in order to get her tuition free. (This would save me over eleven grand, which is my price AFTER financial aid!) Even though that may not be my ideal career, it may just be the thing I need for now. I would have the same schedule as the kids and would be going to the same place as at least one of them.
Since I've almost always worked for schools, I am very spoiled by their vacation schedules. When they told me at the ARC that I would earn one week's vacation after working there for a year, I practically flipped out of my chair. They also said they observed banker's holidays. What? No Casmir Pulaski Day? No random day off in October called "Fall Holiday"? They combine Washington's Birthday and President's Day? How unpatriotic!

Sunflower Seeds

2006-06-29T23:05:00.000-04:00

In case anyone was wondering if I approve or disapprove...

sunflower seeds (as snacks)...disapprove! Way too much work to get out the little tasteless thing inside. And people who spit those things all over the place...that's just gross.

Ravi Shankar...approve. George Harrison thought he was cool, so that's good enough for me.

Camelot...approve. The tune is catchy, too. In Camelot...bump-bump-bump-bump-bidee-ump-bump-ump!

colon cleansing...approve. Well, it sounds like a good idea. I haven't tried it.

No payments until July 2009...disapprove. Who wants to start making payments plus interest on some old item you've completely lost interest in?

So, Mr. Pack and I only agree on 2 out of 5. How do you feel about these very important subjects?

2006-06-28T12:47:00.000-04:00

Not Quite a Poem

I sent a list of five things or ideas:
sunflower seeds (as snacks)
Ravi Shankar
Camelot
colon cleansing
no payments until July 2009
to a guy named Jon Pack,
who posts them on his blog
http://www.jonpackapproves.blogspot.com/
along with an image and a picture of himself
with his thumb up or down. I don't know this Jon,
or why anyone cares what he thinks.
It is the bizzare beauty of blogging.

(He disapproved of all but one from my list.
Will you go see which one it is?)

2006-06-27T10:40:00.000-04:00

I got my results from the poetry generator over at michi's blog...
My title is "On a Common Thursday in Troy". Hmmmmm...

I also got my results from Sarah's quiz...
My celebrity personality is Judy Gardner.

Thanks, michi and Sarah!

A Job Offer

2006-06-27T10:33:00.000-04:00

The job I wanted the most...at the ARC...was offered to me yesterday at the end of my second interview. I have not accepted as of yet, but I suspect I will. I'm very enthusiastic about this position. It is a new one, derived from a grant from A.B.L.E. I would be creating training programs to help adults with developmental disabilities prepare for and obtain jobs in some "non-traditional" industries. The main areas they have targeted to start are hospitality and retail. I would have a lot of creative freedom to make the program work, which I would love. My mind is already buzzing with ideas!

Blog Bits

2006-06-24T21:55:00.000-04:00

I've been to my favorite blogs, and I realize I've missed quite a bit! Sarah did another quiz, which I've now taken, but it looks like it has been a while so I don't know if she'll go back to my answers or not. Even if she doesn't, it was fun reading everyone else's answers and finding out what celebrity they were in a past life! (And btw, her poem Flight took second place for the whole year at IBPC! Wow!)

Michi also did a quiz type thing. Actually, it is a Poem Title Generator! I can hardly wait to find out my next poem's title! How cool is that? Do I know some clever people, or what?

I also found out, over at Carl's blog, that he is possibly the funniest man I know. He should be writing for comedians. Maybe he is. I don't remember what exactly he does, but if that isn't it, I think he missed his calling.

I also discovered that Arlene Ang is quite the PhotoShop artist! She is doing some very cool work and posting it on her blog. I've seen pictures of many of my poet friends' kids, in some unusual scenes. I will have to send her a picture of my little darlings and see where they end up!

Rachel Mallino and Nathan McClain are both in the process of moving. I wish them well. It is an exciting, emotional and hectic time.
It looks like John Vick has gotten settled after his recent move. He has a nice new picture up that looks like he is sitting back in his nicely decorated place.

I'm still doing absolutely nothing in terms of submitting. I just keep thinking I will get motivated, and it just doesn't happen! It doesn't help that in the past 23 days of 30:30, I haven't written anything that wouldn't need a major overhaul in order to make it worthy of any kind of consideration. So many poets there post one publishable poem after another ...perhaps I find that a bit intimidating. I do have a few things from before this month that I could send out. How long ago did I write Weird Girls? Six...seven months???? I don't know what my problem is. I guess I just know that if I miss deadlines, there will be new ones that open up. Such is the life of a professional procrastinator! I'm sure everyone is tired of reading about what I have NOT done. I promise not to mention it again until I actually have something to say!

Back from Chicago

2006-06-24T18:17:00.000-04:00

I thought I would be able to keep up with my blog while in Chicago, but that was not the case. I have a great time, but I'm back and ready to get back on track. About the only thing I was able to keep up with was the 30:30 challenge at ITWS. I'm in my sixth round and I just really want to finish. I have one more week to go with that. It is getting a little lonely over there with many participants just having reached or about to reach their goals. Arlene popped in for a teaser with two (excellent, of course) poems about driving school, and John Vick stopped at Seven point five. Lisa Prince just finished her ninth round, believe it or not! Congratulations, Lia! (and she's jumping right back in the water with round TEN!) Damn, that's a lot of poems!!!!

I'm going to go check out everyone else's blogs since I haven't done that in over a week. See you there.

Hip-hip-hooray!!!!!

2006-06-14T18:37:00.000-04:00

(Sorry to sound overly enthusiastic about this, but I needed a pick-me up!)

My challenge entry, North and South, took first place at the Desert Moon Review.

It will appear on DMR's home page for this week.

Just When You Thought You Heard it ALL>>>

2006-06-12T17:19:00.000-04:00

Can you believe there is a ringtone for cell phones that teens and children can hear, but adults cannot? Read about it here. Apparently, kids use it in school so the teachers can't hear their cells ringing!

toad

2006-06-11T21:04:00.000-04:00

Today I watched more sports than I would like to admit. I saw Nadal cream Federer. I watched Mexico beat Iran. And I'm now watching the Mavericks slaughter the Heat. I don't think I can stand to watch it...we're down by about fifteen!

Nothing much else.

Except for this here toad.
He and a lot of his warty friends hang out nightly around our lamp post.

Kermie

2006-06-10T11:12:00.000-04:00

Heat vs. Mavericks

2006-06-08T23:43:00.000-04:00

I'm watching game one of the finals right now. I can't believe I married someone who also believes he jinxes his team by watching. I am not alone in my goofiness. Anyway, I am sitting at the couch alone because of this. I am considering leaving too, though, because I seem to be making them lose all by myself!

Of course, we're Heat fans. (Well, I'm really a Bulls fan, but they lost to the Heat in the first round of the playoffs. ) Miami is the nearest team. We aren't Shaq fans, but we don't mind having him on our team. Unless he's shooting free throws. An untrained gibbon could probably make more baskets!

The game has been close, although we did start out with a respectable lead. By the second quarter, that was gone and we have been neck in neck the rest of the game. Unfortunately, it appears the Mavericks are pulling ahead. 79-87 with a little over two minutes to go!

It could be an exciting finish if I can stand to watch.

I love the Tom Petty songs the NBA is using this season. Rock on, Tom! Since he's from Florida (northern, though), maybe that will bring us some luck. I doubt that.

One minute and the Mavs have a nine point lead. Not looking good.
Shaq is going in for freethrows. Why waste everyone's time?
Surprise. He misses! Next...I can't believe it...he makes it!
We're down by eight, and I am really wondering why I feel the need to write a play-by-play!
I think it is keeping me calm.

ON TO OTHER SUBJECTS...

JOB HUNT
I didn't hear anything from Stephanie at the ARC today, concerning the Supported Employment Coach. I called and found out she was out of the office today. I left a message and will try again tomorrow.

GAME UPDATE
(The Heat looses game one. )

MY GIRLS IN CHICAGO
I talked to the girls today and they are staying over at Auntie Tavia's new house. They are having a great time. I'm really happy for them, and glad they got to go.

SORORITY SISTERS
I heard from my friend Kim that we can get together Monday, the 19th when I am in Chicago. Our friend Nancy can be there too, and she is going to try to get a hold of Conni! That will be great. Two summers ago we got together at her house, and last summer we were all together for Conni's wedding.

ADD Adults

2006-06-07T22:11:00.000-04:00

So, after my ten month hiatus, I rejoined my ADD Adults group. There were only three of us in attendance last night, but that was enough. It was a good decision, I think. And it was great to see old friends.
I often think about what a great sitcom our group would make!

Nothing new on the job search front, today. I do know that the ARC called and reached two of my references yesterday. I was really hoping to hear back from them today to set up the next interview. Maybe they were waiting to get in touch with my third reference. I think that I will give them a call tomorrow to see how it is going. I am pretty anxious to find out if this is the job for me. It really seems to feel like a good fit for me. I hope I'm still in the running!

I finished day six of my month of poems. I'm pretty pleased because this is my third attempt at round six, and this is the furthest I've gotten. I also feel like I'm in the swing of it now. I haven't written anything fantastic, but I also haven't embarrassed myself.

Job Search Update

2006-06-05T23:41:00.000-04:00

One of the best jobs I've come across is a writer for a natural dog food company. I thought it would be ideal to be able to combine two things I love so much. The company called me today and said they were very impressed with my writing in my cover letter and would like to talk to me about the job...UNTIL...
we figured out that I live an HOUR away from their office in Palm City. :( That was really disappointing. I asked if there was anyway I could just come in a few days per week and do the rest of the job from home, but they said they tried that already and it didn't work due to the fast pace of the work.
They wished me luck and said that I should have no problem finding a job. That made me feel good!

The ARC job I interviewed for on Friday is still something I am very interested in. I would be a Supported Job Coach for adults with developmental disabilities. I think I would really love this position. They contacted me today about phone numbers for some of my references, so I know they are still interested. I am concerned about the distance for this job, though, because it is also quite far north. I am hoping that they will allow me to check in to the office just a few times per week. I know I will need to be out in the field because I have to solicit jobs and also accompany the people on their first days of the job.

There is another position I need to send in an application for...it is for an area representative for a huge tutoring company that has been hired by the government to tutor underprivledged children that did not do well on the FCAT. I would be in charge of all the tutors, etc. and could work out of the home. There are some parts that really interest me, however, the amount of paperwork concerns me.

I'm feeling so much better about myself than I was about a week ago when I started this job search. It has been eye-openning, and I'm telling myself to take my time to find the right place for me.
Tomorrow night I'm going to go back to my Adults w/ ADD group. I talked to the leader of the group about helping me with this job search, because I really want to find a job I can stick with. She thinks a month or so of the group would be helpful, and I agree.

Blur

2006-06-04T22:12:00.000-04:00

Reading glasses. First pair.
Purchased today at Publix.
Now I'm near and far sighted...no, that's wrong. They've cancelled each other
out. I guess I'm no sighted.
And old.

Another Party

2006-06-03T12:46:00.000-04:00

Erin is in the Stones shirt. Rach in olive T.

In a hurry...Erin's birthday party is finally tonight! Instead of it being her birthday for turning eleven, it is more like eleven and a half. The girls wanted to have separate parties this year, and hers kept getting pushed off. It is kind of nice to have them so far apart. I especially appreciate doing it so far away from Christmas, which is where their real birthday falls. We will be going to the Palace, a roller skating rink we've been frequenting every weekend the girls are at home. Erin is crazy about skating, so she begged to go there instead of having the mystery party. There are about five kids coming here first (6pm) and then we will go to the rink. We'll stay late and then the girls are going to sleep over. We still have plenty of last minute preparations to do, so I better get going. I'll update about the job search later.

Above was posted last night. The party went well. Everyone had fun!

More Good Vibes

2006-06-01T21:24:00.000-04:00

The job search seems to be going well.
Yesterday I went on an interview and today I got called back to meet the owner of the company. I feel very welcomed there, but I'm not ready to commit to them since I've just started to look. They do seem interested,...I think they are leaving it up to me at this point. I told them about my interview tomorrow. Their reaction was encouraging. They both agree I should take some time to be sure before I accept a position. They said they will be calling me on Monday, but seem to be okay with me taking a week or two to get back to them with a final answer.
Tomorrow, my interview is with the ARC. I have used their services before for Alp, and I think very highly of them. I am extremely interested in this position because I would be working with adults with disabilities, helping them find and keep jobs in the community.
Besides the above opportunities, I've also applied for a job as a writer for a pet food company, and I'm sure I would love that. Also, there is a position as a youth intervention specialist that sounds like something I would like. I'm hoping to get more interviews.
So far, so good!

PS I've added a link to the right for my Alp Life blog. It has recently been updated (with good news about Alp's tics) for anyone who is interested.

An Interview

2006-05-31T20:15:00.000-04:00

Well, I've wasted little time in my search for employment! I sent a resume and cover letter out last night, got a call in the morning, and had an interview this afternoon. It was for a position in Marketing, more or less.
I think it went well. I was there, being interviewed, for two hours. They are going to call me back tomorrow morning to let me know when I can come back to meet the owner. I actually liked it. We'll see what happens.

Name that Poem

2006-05-31T10:59:00.000-04:00

I just rewrote a poem, and now the old title doesn't suit it. Here's the new version...
Any suggestions? (it is up for critique at ITWS for other suggestions)

In summer keep cherries in the fridge
so on hot days you can pop one
in your mouth, hold it behind your teeth,
and tug until the stem stays behind.

(See how many times you can knot the stem.)

Don't bite right away.
Anticipate the juice.
Let it warm in the cavern
above your tongue.

Gently nudge to a space
between back teeth.
Bite down,
and suck in sweet syrup.

Push to the other side.

Bite more!

Swallow the meat as it separates
from the seed. Let juice
mingle with saliva.

Ready the pit.
Guide it with your tongue
behind front teeth, slightly parted.
Scrape and eat every bit
of body.

When completely clean, purse lips.
Aim where it will not stain,
and eject with the force
of a bullet.

-lrfg

Blogthing Quizzes

2006-05-30T14:59:00.000-04:00

I have been playing around with some of the quizzes at Blogthing to find out some very important information about myself. hehe...
Of Sesame Street characters, I am Ernie. I would have picked him, too, even without the quiz.
My ideal American city to live is,...my hometown, Chicago!
Of Simpson characters, I'm Bart.
For Halloween I should be Elvis.
My personality age is 26 (I love that one!)
Of tacky Christmas gifts, I'm a Christmas sweater.
I'm 52% American.
And, most important of all, I'm a freaky kisser!

The best quiz available, however, is not at Blogthing, it's at Sarah Sloat's Blog,
The Rain in my Purse. Check it out! Based on your responses, you get a recommendation of a poetry book to read!

The following is my response to the What Your Face Says quiz. I thought this was pretty darn accurate...

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as down to earth and reliable.
Overall, your true self is passionate and physical.
With friends, you seem logical, detached, and a bit manipulative.
In love, you seem energetic - almost manic.
In stressful situations, you seem cheerful and optimistic.

What Do People Think Of Your Face?

If you haven't bee there yet, go have some fun. The quizzes are short, and there are tons from which to choose!

The End of the Subbing Slump

2006-05-29T20:26:00.000-04:00

Lauren finally puts an end to her subbing slump! (And now, she is about to put an end to the rediulous practice of referring to herself in third person. She's starting to scare herself. )

Anyway, I finally did a little subbing last night. I saw Susan Culver's announcement that she will have a poem featured in an upcoming issue of Literary Mama, so I checked it out and decided they just might like a couple of my poems about premature babies or parenting an autistic child. One of the poems, Treasure, has been looking for a home for a long time. It was nominated by ITWS for IBPC back in December, didn't place, and was given a "thanks, but no thanks" from both Stirring and Tilt.

Also subbed were Tiny, Premature, and Tics.

It's okay if they say no (yeah, we'll see how I feel if that actually happens!)...for now, I'm just happy I finally got something out there. Now I need to find a place to send Weird Girls and First Jobs. I just need to find a good fit. I'm still so new to this.

The Crisis Takes Shape

2006-05-28T21:15:00.000-04:00

Today marked a new beginning. I finally washed that gray right outta my hair, worked out for an hour at the fitness center, took a long walk with the dogs and my husband, and started a job search. Yes, I've decided I need to get out of the house and get to work. I need health insurance. I need a reason to get out of my pajamas. And I need an exuse for not making dinner.

The Glass Furnace?

2006-05-27T22:38:00.000-04:00

If, indeed, this is a mid-life crisis, (*see previous post), then shouldn't I be over-indulging in something? Or is that only for men? What do women do?
Men are known to buy sporty cars and date younger women. They start dressing like teenagers and join the Hair Club for Men. Don't tell me I'm just going to sulk through mine, feeling depressed and sorry for myself!
I need some ideas...
I have been dying to take a class at The Glass Furnace in Istanbul and learn how to do glass blowing. I've talked about it for years, have tried to organize it, but ultimately always end up putting it off.
I would also love to go to a poetry workshop or retreat.
Oh yes, I'm getting myself excited about these ideas. The girls will be with my parents for the first two weeks of June, so I have a little time to look into some possibilities. But I don't have much time...there's just a little over a week away!

It Isn't the Poetry

2006-05-27T15:47:00.000-04:00

This isn't a poetry slump. It is all starting to make sense. I hesitate to tell you what I think it really is because I always thought I was above this.

Ready? Lean in so I can whisper it.

I think it's a mid-life crisis.

And what is worse? Realizing half of my life is over and I haven't accomplished even half of what I hoped I would? Or is it admitting that I am old enough to have one? I think that's a tie.

Life goes by more slowly when you're young. Why doesn't anybody tell you that? It makes sense, because everything is relative. But when you're a child, you feel like you'll be around forever. I remember thinking, "I'm ten years old, and I've been alive for such a long time...if I've got seventy or so more of these years to live, there is nothing I can't do!" It was just a notch below immortality.

Nobody explained that time would slip by more quickly with each passing year, and that the possibility of accomplishing new goals would be an increasing challenge. Heck, if anybody did tell me, I'm sure I would not have listened anyway.

I know, I know, there are many examples of people who "made it" in their golden years. There is no rational reason to feel down. But what does "made it" mean, and why do I feel like it is still something I need to do?

Will I always be dissatisfied with myself, thinking I should be something more than what I am? I have a lot to be thankful for, of course. Can I blame my ADD? Why not? I never quite reach my potential because I can't focus, finish things I start, etc. But what about my fellow ADDers who got past their shortcomings to create incredible careers, such as the founder of Jet Blue airlines and the infamous e-tickets (because he was always losing his!)?

Did I chose the wrong career path? Certainly, I feel that I did. I had so much doubt that in my senior year I didn't even go through the steps to practice and secure interviews. I was sure I was not going to be a teacher. But I was so close to the degree, it was worth finishing to fall back on.

After all, I didn't start college to become a teacher. I was in the college of business headed for a career in advertising. I remember the advisor telling me I was making a big mistake when I left that college. It wasn't until about twenty years later that I realized he was right.

All that indecision. And I never narrowed it down. I spent my twenties in and out of art school and teaching jobs. I couldn't dedicate myself to either one, bouncing back and forth protected by my delusion of immortality. My obsession at that stage of my life was overcoming infertility.

Procrastination? Is that the root of my problem? I always felt I was destined for great things, but I would get to that later. If my ADD had been identified and addressed, perhaps I could have had counseling to steer me in the right direction. I needed help narrowing down a career choice that would fit in with my "ways", and also one that would utilize my talents. Teaching was never a great fit. It became my crutch.

And now I finally understand that time does not stop for me. And I realize that I made some wrong choices in my life. And I feel like I'm not exactly who I want to be.

On the other hand, I feel wrong in saying that because I am a mother. Becoming a mother was the single most important thing to me, and I had to fight long and hard to make that happen. I wouldn't trade the job of mothering my children for anything in the world. I tell myself that this must be enough. But I just don't believe it.

I took an online test the other day to determine the right jobs for me. (I wish I did that twenty years ago. ) Anyway, the results were pretty interesting. The choices did not consider ADD nor how inept I am in math into account, so that knowledge eliminates some of their picks. The number one choice was an Architect (that's my father's occupation so for some reason I never considered it), then the list was...

Psychologist
$62,000 - $82,000
Computer systems analyst
$62,000 - $82,000
Chemist
$76,000 - $98,000
Airplane pilot
$99,000 - $111,000
Flight engineer
$87,000 - $105,000
Veterinarian
$65,000 - $86,000

What was more interesting for me, however, was the explanation, which was right on. I'll print that below. The second choice, Psychologist, is what I actually always wanted to be, since junior high school. However, I decided early on that it would take too much schooling to become a psychiatrist, and for some ignorant reason, I never considered other jobs in that field. A good mentor at that time in my life could have helped.

I should have pursued a career in writing (journalism or advertising), psychology (counselor or research), or illustration. I still think I am a very good educator,too, but would prefer the university level. I could do well in any of these, and they would probably fit with the following analysis of my ideal job situation.

From the quiz at Tickle.com:

Your most important qualities are: Analytical and Creative. (yes)

You try to control situations by learning everything there is to know. You hesitate to take hasty actions and prefer to become an expert before providing your opinion on matters. When you do become an expert, however, it is hard for you to listen to novices who try to give their advice, as well. As a result, you ultimately prefer to work by yourself so that you can implement your own solution rather than cooperate just to please others.Research has shown that people whose personalities are well-suited to their job environments are happier and more successful. You do not need to live in extravagance, but you do like to indulge in a few luxuries. Whether you own a nice home, have an expensive hobby, or take lavish vacations, you are proud that your hard work can support the lifestyle you want. Having a stable, and relatively prestigious, job is a priority for you. Your career identity is important to you, and you want to feel proud when telling others what you do for a living. Be careful that you spend within your means. In your later years, retiring comfortably and paying off debts should be your priorities. Because having a rewarding career is important to you, be on the lookout for career advancement opportunities.

I guess it is time for me to research if and how I can still get the education I would need to obtain my "ideal career".

At this point in my life, I finally understand that time really does fly and that I won't be around forever. And this is not an easy pill to swallow. I realize I need to get moving and make things happen. I no longer have room for my old pal, Procrastination, but I doubt I can dump him for good.

Cim Bom Bom

2006-05-26T15:23:00.000-04:00

Galatasaray
2006 Turkish League Champions

Life with Alp

2006-05-26T08:15:00.000-04:00

(I have decided to make a separate blog to discuss Life with Alp. This post will be my first entry there. )

It is hard to get a picture of Alp smiling, because he insists on saying "cheeeeeeese", so this is what you usually get. He's adorable anyway.

Since Alp is in a new school and is finally having some success, the ESE director recently recommended he stay there for next year, even though normally he would be going on to middle school. I think this is a great idea because I was worried about what a new location and new teacher might bring. Having him in a good place is such piece of mind.

For those of you that haven't already met or at least read about my stepson, Alp,...he is one month shy of twelve years old and has Autism and Tourette's Syndrome*. He lives with me, my husband, Erhan, and my eleven year old twin girls, Erin and Rachel.

By far, the most disturbing of Alp's maladies are the self-injurious tics associated with Tourette's Syndrome.

The latest tics are of concern because they are painful. He taps. Hard. Perhaps tap is too gentle of a term to describe what he does. He hits. He doesn't mean to hurt. The problem is, the hand flicks violently and lets the fingers ram into one's arm.

Worse than this is what he does to himself. For months he has been whacking the sides of his head, directly on the ears. This is also a very hard "pop". He has gotten sores on his ears and I worry about the internal stress he's put on them.

He has another tic that is difficult on his teeth and jaws. He lets his head hang back a bit, then leans forward quickly to let his head fall foward so he can hear his top teeth click onto the bottom ones. This one has been around for quite some time.

Another bad one is the right arm slam. He lifts the arm in "wing" position and smacks it into his side. He has long, thick calluses on his inner arm from it rubbing against his shirts.

How I wish we could find something to help him with tics. He is on so many meds, vitamins and supplements**, etc. He has had behavior therapy, which doesn't help because tics are not voluntary. We have also had him on a Gluten-free/Cassein-free diet (the jury is still out on this one) for the past three months. I can't help but feel there must be some relief out there, somewhere.

Two nights ago, I discovered a new tic and its repercussions. Hopefully it won't turn into a full-fledged behavior that lasts months. I noticed that instead of hitting his ears, (possibly because of the sores on them) he began hitting his chest in a Tarzan-type motion, but with open hands. Later that evening, I took him to the pool and noticed he was not only badly bruised there, but also had a huge swollen lump. It was obvious the lump was an allergic reaction. It not only had a rash, but was puffy and warm. The only justification I can give for the allergy in that area is perhaps the material from his shirt being pushed against his skin irritated him. He is very sensitive to different detergents, and he had just returned from a couple days at his mother's house. Maybe she used some different soaps. Anyway, I gave him Benedryl when we got home and the swelling was down by the morning. I later found out that while he was at his mother's, she doubled the MethylAid supplement dosage, even though the doctor told us to decrease it a week prior when his arms broke out in allergic rashes. This could have caused part of the problem. (Unfortunately, she refuses to believe these are related, despite the fact that the doctor said there could be. Relations with her are presently very strained.)

We have kept Alp on the lower dose and he seems to be better. I don't notice him pounding his chest very often, and the head slapping seems to be on its way out. (Thank God) The side slap is in full force, however, and he seems to be avoiding the usual area and hitting himself further back. To do this, he lifts his leg on that side and twists as if trying to hit his butt. He looks like a crazy cheerleader. I wonder if he's doing this because the side is sore. How I wish we could help him.

Besides all these tics, Alp has been very good lately and quite calm. He did have an outburst in the car yesterday when I couldn't find the right song on the CD, but those moments are fewer these days. He doesn't complain at all about school and he gets up and gets ready for school nicely.

Oh, there is one new area of concern. In the evening, he retreats to the restroom and will stay there until I insist he comes out. We think he is in a phase of "self discovery", which would be appropriate at this age. We are thankful he understands he needs to be in the restroom (actually this was a part of behavior therapy that worked), but it is getting a bit obsessive. Once he does come out, in a few minutes he disappears again. When it is time to go to sleep, the same thing happens.

Since I'm devoting this entire post to Alp and his current tics and behaviors, the only other one he is really displaying right now is his usual vocal stuff. He needs to be speaking at all times, and right now, if he isn't reciting or singing something ("Celebrate good times...woo-hoo"), he loudly is doing his "AAAAh,-Ahhhh-Ah" sound. For us, this is barely noticeable. When we are out in public, however, it usually brings some quizzical stares, until they see him do some hand flapping or one of his self-slapping tics. Adults usually understand, but children tend to stare in awe. And the funny part is when babies or toddlers see him. I have seen them laugh as if he is performing a show just for their entertainment, or cuter yet, they mimic him!

Life with Alp could probably be a blog all on its own, but that would require too much extra organization. I'll just periodically give updates about him here. Sometimes just writing about it helps me cope. *Tourette syndrome is defined by multiple motor and vocal tics lasting for more than one year. Many people have only motor tics or only vocal tics. The first symptoms usually are involuntary movements (tics) of the face, arms, limbs or trunk. These tics are frequent, repetitive and rapid. The most common first symptom is a facial tic (eye blink, nose twitch, grimace), and is replaced or added to by other tics of the neck, trunk, and limbs.
These involuntary (outside the patient's control) tics may also be complicated, involving the entire body, such as kicking and stamping. Many persons report what are described as premonitory urges -- the urge to perform a motor activity. Other symptoms such as touching, repetitive thoughts and movements and compulsions can occur. -Tourette's Syndrome Association, Inc.

**Alp's current medications and supplements:4mg Risperdal, 600 mg Trileptal, .5mg Clonidine EnZym-Complete/DPP-IV II, MethylAid, Taurine (1000mg), 5-HTP 100mg, Multi vitamin, Zinc Picolinate

IBPC

2006-05-24T15:59:00.000-04:00

April's IBPC winners were finally announced. I would link to the site, but they aren't up yet. Rachel Mallino posted them at ITWS. Weird Girls didn't place, so now I have absolutely no excuse not to do some submitting. (Congrats to Judy Goodwin on her HM representing SCWW!) I also have First Jobs I can send out. And probably a few others. I'm still completely unmotivated!
I just remembered that yesterday I did send in Miscarraige (previously published at
The Centrifugal Eye) for my bimonthly contribution to the Illinois State Poets Society website. They will acknowledge its previous appearance. New poems should be up around June 4th.

Rachel and Bella

2006-05-24T13:02:00.000-04:00

Okay...I figured out the photo thing. (I still can't add new links, so if anyone wants to advise me on that, I'd appreciate it. I tried to follow google's help instructions, but it didn't work.) I just wanted to add this other cute pic I took today of two of my darlings...Rachel and Bella. They are sitting on our new concrete slab in the back of the house.

The Front

2006-05-24T12:39:00.000-04:00

This is the front of my house. (I promised michi a garden pic.) I would have liked it to be a sunnier day... and for the grass to be trimmed... and for there to be more mulch in the area around the light post,... but oh well. You can't really see my roses either. But it this will do for the first picture on my blog.
Our roof will be replaced in a couple of months thanks to Hurricane Wilma. You can't see the damage in this shot.
I just planted the stuff around the light because the original, ugly one was also Wilma's victim. My dad recently helped us cement this new one down. Those are three little jasmine bushes around the back of it. They don't look too happy today, so I may give them a little plant food later, and trim them down. They're probably just adjusting to their new location.
The tree behind the post with purple flowers is Ruella. I'm not sure on the spelling. It grows like crazy here. If you trim it and leave the clippings, they will start to grow. The smaller vine on the white trellis in the background is bougainvillea. It had yellow flowers when I bought it, but for some reason, I can't keep them blooming. (I have another one that is lilac.) I've tried special foods for blooming to no avail. Anyway, this is a part of my garden. It keeps me happy! :)

Grand Central Station!

2006-05-23T10:28:00.000-04:00

Wow, today I found three more poet's comments here! This is incredible. I feel so popular! (I know how pathetic I am, no need to tell me.)
Maybe all this attention will get me back in the mood to submit some work. Actually, what I think I'll do is wait to see if Weird Girls is not needed at IBPC (whenever they get around to that...this is April I'm still wiating to hear about!) and then send that out with a few others. Or am I just procrastinating again? I just cannot get motivated.
Maybe I should use this "down" time to do more reading,...maybe order some chapbooks. I haven't done that since I got michi's and Susan Culver's. That was about six months ago. Those were both amazing.
Sounds like a plan...

Michi and Sarah Came to my Blog!

2006-05-22T21:08:00.000-04:00

Wow, two great poets stopped by my humble blog and even left me comments! Thanks guys! I'm actually not sure if I should be glad or embarrassed. It's pretty boring here, after all! Maybe I'll have to start using spellcheck if I'm going to actually have guests. Hmmmm....maybe I'll have to start making my life sound more exciting, too! Nah, this isn't going to be a creative writing venture. Oh! Almost forgot some big news around here...Erhan has his citizenship ceremony this Wednesday! He is so relieved/excited/elated. He says now he'll have to find something new to be stressed out about. I'm sure he'll have no trouble. I'm thinking about throwing him a party this Saturday. We aren't really party people, so I'm not sure I'll go through with it. I did decide against the surprise element, figuring that would just make it way too complicated. We do have our new patio to celebrate on, and I thought a little patriotic theme would be appropriate. I'll have do decided soon so I can get to inviting people. Erhan's still on a natural high from his team winning the Turkish Soccer League title. Hooray for Galatasaray!!!!

Two in a Row!

2006-05-17T08:34:00.000-04:00

I just read yesterday's post and I forgot to mention that I found a new school for Rachel for next year. It is called Kentwood Preparatory (http://www.kentwood-add.com/) and it is a school ONLY for students with ADD, who are of average or above average intelligence. I think it will be just the right place for her. She will learn the things she needs help with like organizational and social skills, as well as academics. She will also fit in and be understood. Also, she will be able to be in sixth grade next year, where she should be. They tested her and said emotionally and intellectually that is where she should be. So...Hooray! It feels good to know she should be successful there.

I am still pondering Erin's education. I love the American Heritage school for her. Of course, money is an issue. And last night, she said she wants to stay at Hagen if she makes it to be a patrol guard! If she doesn't want to change, maybe it is best she stay there next year and I try to get her into the middle school of the arts for the next year.

Two months later

2006-05-16T17:27:00.000-04:00

Well, if I could have looked two months into the future from my last blog entry, I would be pleased. Many of the issues have been somewhat resolved, or at least improved. I can also see just how much does happen it two months time. And gee, I feel like we have actually accomplished some things:
1. Alp is doing MUCH better. He is back in school...actually a new and better one. He has increased medication, gone through behavior therapy, and we even tried a gluten and cassein-free diet, along with gazillions of supplements. Because we started so many things at once, it is hard to say which of those has been the most successful. Anyway, the good news is that he is much better and is not showing any aggression at all. I think the meds have helped him the most. We are actually experimenting with foods that do have gluten and cassein to see if that effort is worthwhile. So far, that doesn't seem to be making a difference, but it is too soon to tell for sure.
2. Rachel is now staying home from school and getting a homebound tutor to come to the house to finish out the year. That may sound like a negative thing, but it really has not been. She has so much less anxiety since she doesn't have to deal with that incompetant school. She has been working really hard at home and doing a great job academically and emotionally. I'm quite proud of her.
3. Bella has a new, imporved "stubborn dog" collar and she does not leave the yard. I do not take them anywhere anymore, which is sad, but at least we haven't had to pay anyone else's vet bills. She has, however, killed some wildlife on our property, including an adult raccoon and a baby possum.

In other news, Erin got her Phase I braces off about a week ago. Her teeth look great. She actaully didn't want to have them off. She liked them. Go figure.

Poetically...nothing much to report. I did finish my fifth month of 30:30. And posted my 2000 post at ITWS. I have a poem nominated for IBPC, but that has not been announced yet and I doubt I'll place. I've been up for consideration three other times without placing, so that is sort of what I expect.
I have been rather down on poetry to be honest, and I've been trying to jolt myself out of it. I think it started when I entered a weekly challenge at an Internet Workshop Board and was the ONLY one...let me say that again...the ONLY one to not even be mentioned!!!! I didn't realize just how much it bothered me until I traced my bad poet mood back to that. I know it is stupid, and I tried to force myself to keep putting stuff out there...BUT...it just seems I can't produce anything worthwhile right now.
I've been meaning to sub some work out, but just can't seem to do it. I don't like my stuff right now, and when I try to work on a piece to make it better, I seem to end up wanting to scrap it. I'm sure this will pass, I just hope it is soon.

I'm looking forward to hearing more information about my story in the Cup of Comfort book. I did hear that it will definitely be featured. That will be so cool. But it seems so far off. The book won't come out until sometime in 2007.

Oops...forgot to mention the Arkansas house stuff...
4. We ended up almost buying a bigger, better, newer dream house on the lake...a brand new home with a killer view of Greers Ferry Lake. We almost even bought the adjoining lot. And then we realized we were getting in way over our heads. We also realized that the kids need to go to private schools and that will cost plenty of $$. So, for now, Arkansas is but a dream.

I think I'll wrap this up for now.
Looking forward to American Idol tonight...down to three. Go Elliott!!!

Been a week or so...

2006-03-13T17:47:00.000-05:00

I haven't written anything in a week or so. I guess I started to bore myself sooner than expected!
Anyway, last week was an incredibly stressful one. So many things came my way, I don't know where to begin. I started to have a lot of symptoms of anxiety, and am just now getting over some massive sleep episodes as a result.

In order to maintain some privacy, I will not say which twin, nor will I be specific,...
last week one of the girls took a step towards physical maturity. A big one. I think this is a big milestone for any mother, but perhaps even a little more so since this particular event never happened to me. Very emotional.

I also got beaten up by Alpi. That was last Tuesday. It was the most violent episode I've ever been involved in. I was bruised and shaken. We have since spoken to his doctor and increased his medication. He has been much better. We also got a behavior modification company to come out to do an intake. They are going to make a plan for us to follow.

The Arkansas house deal fell through. The current owners of the house aren't the current owners of the house after all. They owe so much in back taxes there is a lean on the house, and the owners' first wife, who now resides in California, still owns half and had no idea about the sale. I am most sad about this. It has soured Erhan on the idea of buying in Arkansas, and I feel like all my dreams have been dashed.

That's all. That's enough. Besides, the week before the dogs ran out of the car after a trip to the dog park, crossed the street and took a bite out of a Maltese. The vet bills cost us $315. Fluffy is now fine.

Well, enough of this. This week can only be better, right?

One Party Down

2006-02-26T19:49:00.000-05:00

Having a birthday celebration at a popular restaurant on a Friday night is a big no-no. Despite waiting over an hour for a table (even though I "reserved" a table), Rachel ended up having a very nice birthday party Friday night. In attendance were: Rachel, Erin, Chesea, Taylor, Me, my mom, dad, grandfather, and Rachel's favorite teacher, Mrs. Gaydos. Rachel got a big birthday serenede by the RJ Gator's staff and got pied in the face (part of the reason she wanted to go there!)

I've been feeling a little weak lately, and am wondering if it is my new medication, Straterra. I don't know if it has elevated my blood pressure or something similar, because I have also had a lot of ringing in my ears. I'm thinking of going in to the grocery store tomorrow morning before working out at Curves to check it in the machine they have there. I think my doctor's appt. is the following week. If it is high, I'll call and go in sooner.

Because of feeling this way, my weekend was somewhat unproductive. I feel pretty bad about that, but I'm sure I'll make up for it once I feel better.

There is a John Denver special on the public broadcasting channel right now, and I'm really enjoying it. I think I need to get his cd. I still have my albums, but nothing to play them on. I've been singing along, reliving my crush from when I was ten years old! Hehe! He certainly sang some catchy tunes and had a great voice. It's music that just makes you feel good!

Tomorrow we take Alp for his initial appt. with the DAN doctor. We have to travel to Miami for this. It should be interesting. We'll see what they think the plan should be, and see if we can handle it. This has been the subject of many disagreements between Alp's mother and me and Erhan.

More later.

Aarg!

2006-02-22T14:17:00.000-05:00

I guess this isn't as easy as I thought. I wrote my second entry and for some reason, it doesn't show up unless I click on archives. So this one is sort of an experiment to see where it shows up. Hmmmmm...

Day Two

2006-02-22T13:35:00.000-05:00

Day two of blog life and I'm going strong! He he!

Today I've been cleaning my parents' Florida home because they are arriving this afternoon. (I have to pick them up at the Fort Lauderdale airport in a couple of hours.) They are snow birds that are flying in late this year.

Since I used the house for a few weeks while they were away (and also used it to shower after Wilma when my house didn't have water), I figured the least I could do was make sure I left it the way I found it ( I feel so grown up just for thinking this way! hehe). It was a lot of work and I'm pretty wiped out. I'm writing and resting until I have to make the drive.

I joined Curves the other day and I'm dying to get back there for another workout. I absolutely LOVED my first time. The reason I haven't been able to go for the past couple of days is that I have had to watch Alp.

I think Curves will suit me well. It seems to be the perfect place for an ADD adult to exercise. There is lively music that is interrupted every thirty seconds by a voice commanding us to "change stages now". I wish I could get a voice like that to command me in my house. Oh how much more efficient I would be. Anyway, like I said, my first work out was fabulous and I felt great afterwards. I'm looking forward to getting in shape!

I had some good news today from my poet friend,Freada. She popped in to 30/30 at ITWS and said she will not only be back with the challenge soon, but will be in her new apartment in the area soon! It is a half blook from the intercoastal and once she is settled, I am invited for tea! I can't wait to meet her in person and have a poet friend in the area.

I think this will wrap it up for my official second blog bit. I'm just rolling along...

-lauren :)

trying to blog

2006-02-21T17:57:00.000-05:00

I'm going to try this blogging thing, and really write something (as opposed to just posting poems). I just can't imagine I'll have anything that interesting to say, but I'll give it a go!!!

I finally planned the girls' 11th birthday parties today. It is over a month late, but we got off track since Erin was in the hospital when it was supposed to take place.

Rachel is going to have a little get-together at a nearby restaurant called RJ Gator's. It is also a sports bar. She is just inviting a few school friends, the neighbors, her teacher and his son (who is in kindergarten...they adore each other!) and my parents and grandfather will come too. That's planned for this Friday.

Erin is going to have her party the following Saturday. She is going to have one of those murder mystery parties and a sleep-over. The party she chose is called Miss Teen USA. The plot is something about one of the contestants being murdered. Guests show up as the characters they are assigned, and then they have to solve the mystery to find out who dunnit.

I got a bug up my butt today and had the girls help me carry our kitchen table out to the curb to be taken away for garbage pick-up. That thing was getting uglier by the day, and I'm glad to have it gone. I moved the dining room table into the breakfast nook area, minus one leaf,... and it looks much better. Now, I plan to use the vacant dining room as an art studio. I just need an easel and I'll be all set. I'm pretty excited because that room gets great light. There are pretty french doors that look out to the backyard.

Well, I guess I did it. My first post!
Done!